Walking in Memories
Added 2023-02-10 08:56:35 +0000 UTCYou live in the world of art.
Everyday around you.
Just stop for a moment.
Close your eyes and start seeing.
Close your mouth and start hearing.
Begin to feel.
Since I remember world of adults was a bit terrifying for me. Incomprehensible to me. Let me tell you about one memory.
As a little girl I used to spend holidays at a farm of my "grandfather", as I was forced to call one man. There lived also mother of Agresja - absolutely white, draft, but small horse, used to works in the fields. Through many years I got to know her different previous children. Each of them got a name from me because they weren't "just horses". Kora, Kometa, Dziki... Before I took the first lesson of horse riding with instructor, I used to sneaky climb on her back in the stable, when no one can see me. Just to hug her deeply, to feel her warmth, her breath.
At some point, adults agreed to let me ride my "dreamy unicorn". She was calmly walking with happy tiny droplet on her back to the road and back to the stable, to one of child who was locked in the stable. Oh, how many times I've been dreaming about going together on a long walk, to the Forest which I saw on the horizon... Usually I was doing it, when I was able to cross the road and stop on the meadow right beside, where she decided to eat grass for some time, before... she returned calmly to the stable with me on her back. But one day was different...
As usual, I was sitting happily on horse's back, listening her slowly munching grass, birds singing around, and wandering with her in my imagination, while I saw car of "grandfather". He was driving to the field to check his workers there, while he stopped suddenly, got out of the car, came to us with a sharp steps, grabbed the horse's reins and began to beat her in the face. Why? Because in his world mother of Agresja should have been serving me be walking around, not eating grass... I was terrified and... ashamed. I felt guilty, that it was my fault that horse was punished so hard, without any reason. I took offense at him to death... Other adults tried to make me accept the apology, because how can I be angry at "grandpa"? They forced me to go with him on ice-cream. They didn't understand that in my opinion, he should have apologize mother of Agresja, not me. I never forgave him that situation.
And I still don't understand why people try to teach kids to behave such way... To create so fake world, full of insincere emotions and feelings...
You can see also my last acrylic on canvas from January and one of my best assistant. :)
Comments
That's nice to read your words. They give me a little bit of hope. In the environments in which I grew up, I matured, very controlling behavior, sometimes violent, with a slavish approach to people or animals was the norm. Small crossing the borders of touch from the youngest age was a standard that no one notices. For example, "go and say hello (hug, kiss) an uncle/ aunt/ another family member". In fact, a person you saw once a year or once a several years, which for small child means, a complete stranger. But as a small child you had to do what adults say...
2023-02-11 08:04:13 +0000 UTCI read these things from you and other people and I think that I was lucky — none of the adults in my life were violent to animals or people. My father’s worst faults are that he is stingy and will not stop talking about certain subjects. My mom has sometimes been so buried by depression that she had no time for me as a child, but when I grew up, she has made it up to me, and I know it was not her choice to begin with. And nobody has ever insisted I make a fake apology!
particle_p
2023-02-10 19:31:10 +0000 UTC
