Black Friday (Flashback Post)

I am currently in a food coma surrounded by family, so I'm posting my first Patreon flashback post today! I wrote this last year for Black Friday, and I think it deserves to see the light of day again for new readers who haven't scrolled back that far. Check this one out again, and I'll be back with new stories next week. And just to get into the holiday spirit, I'm making this a free post as well for anyone to check out!

Jerking awake, I felt my mittened hand reach out to the wall beside me to steady myself as I blinked away the sleep that I was evading. I’d been waiting outside in this line for the past couple of hours, and the doors were finally about to open for Black Friday. As I stuffed my hands into my pockets to warm them back up, I thought back to the sales from a decade ago when there were mass fights in Walmarts across the country. Times were changing, but when this sale was announced right after my laptop died, I knew that I had to wait on it.

“Okay folks, we’re taking the first twenty in line right now, and then more five minutes later.”

Looking ahead, I saw that I was about number eighteen if I didn’t miss anyone, and I was given the go ahead. The doors were now opening, and I joined the crowd running into the store. Right up front, there were a few stands of hard drives that I also needed, and I grabbed one without even slowing down. All of the computers were in the back, and I saw the exact model I wanted in front of me with that beautifully low sale price. As I got closer, my smile faded as I saw the man in front of me grab the last one and keep running towards the left.

“Wait, sir, I really need that!”

I could hear how pathetic I sounded, but he still slowed down and turned to see who was yelling weakly after him.

“Hey, where did you find that hard drive? I needed one of those as well.”

“It was up at the front right near the doors. Want to trade?”

Pulling the beanie off of his head, I saw his dark locks flop over his forehead as he smiled my way.

“That is by no means a fair trade, bud.”

Looking around, I saw that we were alone back here surrounded by blank CDs and laptop cases, so I could theoretically just grab it and run. I was bigger than this guy, but I knew that he’d catch up to me by the time I got to the checkout lines.

“What would be a fair trade? I really need that laptop since mine just died, and I’m a grad student with a dissertation to finish.”

I was laying it on thick, but he was still cool as a cucumber.

“Let’s start with the hard drive… and that watch.”

I pulled it off without a second word- it was actually one I’d picked up for less than fifty bucks.

“And that jacket too- mine was no match for that wind outside.”

Again, another no-brainer for me since that laptop was hundreds of dollars less than retail price- this jacket was again way less than that.

“Now, let’s see how I’d look in that shirt.”

“Wait, what?”

“You heard me.”

I had, but I was hoping that he’d realized how crazy his request was after his words were spoken. His face was still set though.

“Hey, I know that shirt isn’t worth hundreds of dollars, so it should be an easy decision if you want this laptop.”

It was an easy decision, but it still didn’t make my hands move any faster. I just kept staring at the box in his hands which motivated me to pull my shirt over my head and throw it his way. I couldn’t believe it, but I was now standing half-naked in the middle of an aisle. This man, whose name I didn’t even know, was zipping my shirt into the pocket of my own jacket before pulling it on over his.

“You know what’s coming next.”

“You hand over that laptop, and I head my way?”

“Absolutely not. Let me get those boots and socks- my socks got wet walking through a puddle earlier.”

These were nice shoes, but again, not nice enough to pass up the impending deal. Leaning down, I kicked off my shoes without even pulling open the laces, and then I threw the socks his way. As I stood back up, I was almost sure that I saw him give one of them a good sniff, but I must have just been seeing things.

“Okay, I think we’ve gone far enough, man.”

“If I leave now, you’ll be without this computer and half your clothes.”

“I only have my card in my wallet- I don’t have any cash to give you.”

“I’m looking at those jeans, not your cash. We look like we’re the same size.”

“C’mon, man, you know I can’t do that. Not in the middle of the store.”

“Then, I hope you have a great day.” He started grabbing my shoes and walking away before I called after him. “That’s what I thought.”

“Fuck man…”

This couldn’t be happening. I even took a few seconds to pinch my arm to wake myself up, but I didn’t move from this spot. This was real life, and I was pulling open my jeans and pushing them down to my ankles in public. Anyone could walk back here and catch me, but as I stepped out of my jeans, this man was still luckily my only witness.

“Nice tighty whities.”

“Fuck.”

I’d worn this old pair to Thanksgiving since they had a stretchy waistband, but I never thought someone would see them. Yet here I was, being seen in only these tighty whities. As I stood waiting on him to carefully fold up my jeans, I knew what was coming. I knew it in my heart, but still, I never thought that he’d say it.

“Now,” he was lifting up his phone now as he talked, “take off those briefs and hand them over.”

As I pulled them down with trembling fingers that I couldn’t blame on the cold outside, I thought only of how much I needed to keep working on this paper. That was what motivated me to get completely naked in this store, a store that was about to be more crowded by the minute.

I had one hand over my crotch, but with one wave of his hand, I moved it to make sure that he didn’t try and alert anyone about what I was doing. With one 360 degree turn, he had me show off every inch of myself to his camera. This felt more mortifying then I could handle, but I realized that it still wasn’t over yet…

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