I lived, Bitch

CW: Hospitalization, Poop

On Friday, September 8 I was put into a very stressful situation by my father. These things can't be helped, so my nerves were shot going into Saturday and my vape pen wasn't helping any.

Knowing that I was shell shocked, my cousin graciously invited me to a party the next afternoon. Where against my better judgement, I actually partook in some junk food we bought from the gas station.

❌ I can't be doing that. I'm too old for that. I eat Avocados, Kimchi, Penis, I don't eat chocolate covered pretzels or off-brand Andy Capp's Fries. And doing so damn near killed me.

My stomach shrank to the size of a walnut and my entire digestive tract just shut down for a few days. AND MY ONE SAVING GRACE was that in a panic I'd stocked up on hydration and probiotics, just thinking it was an unfortunate but reasonable stomach sickness. (But think about that for a second. I know about fiber, probiotics, douching, cleansing, and all of that gay stuff because I like my ass primed for dick. But how da fuck is your ordinary straight guy supposed to figure this out? The stretches alone, girl... Or do straight people just have stomachs like dogs and can eat anything? Like can straight people eat bones?)

On Tuesday all I ate was piece of toast.

On Wednesday I ate 2 pieces of toast (progress!)

On Thursday I tried to eat a banana, and it made me feel so sick I had to be rushed to the doctor for a urine screaning and x-ray... and the pretzels were still there.

I was proscribed anti-nausea meds for the vomiting, and given a minty fresh laxitive. But then when the head doctor took a look at my x-ray, they went "no, no, no. Lets give them an enema instead!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8awqKPvdKk

I've lost 10 pounds, give-or-take 5 when adjusting for water weight. And I'm now constantly engaging me core as to un-distend my lower abdomen and stop myself from feeling queasy all the time. And as food goes, I have nutrient rich stuff, but I can only get down so much of it at time as my system gets back to normal. -- I'm not eating plates of food I'm eating single small cups of food, chewing them 50 times, then following them with probiotics, water, and fiber.

The lack of calories doesn't seem to be causing me any problems just yet. In fact I've started having these weird bursts of energy, which has made it easy to go on walks, and even dance some (as strange as that may sound)

I can now firmly say that my stomach stomach is fine and its now just the lowest part of things near that pelvic floor that feel uncomfortable, but It's negligible. Annoying but negligible.

Also some takeaways:

• I've completely detoxed my system of THC (not by choice, it just shook out that way)
• My breathing has improved.
• Food tastes WAY stronger now. I've sometimes had to spit out something because the flavor just hit differently. Like that banana that almost killed me was the most banana tasting banana I'd ever had in my life.
• My attention span took a boot to the head. Its hard to stay focused when you now always vaguely feel like you have to poop even though I'm more hollow than a balloon right now.

Also

• I now see that many food products today are just outright poison.
• I now see why so many Americans are unhealthy.
• In the past 72 hours I've pooped so much that I may as well start drawing Madam and scat p0rn again. You familiar with Zombie_Cat? Min? or VIRGIL's uncensored stuff? I became the real life version and have been totally desensitized.