"Abducted by an Alien Who Ate Your Neighbors 3" Script Preview

(Because of the way translator microbes work in the setting, all names will be scrambled in the audio, but here you get so see how they're spelled without the scrambling!)

Computer: “Subject 7, please report to the boarding bridge.”

Ademordna: “Hey there! Sorry to spring this on you so suddenly, but my boss wants to have a word with me and I was told to bring my control test subject along. That’s right, you!”

A: “Nervous? Me? No no, I’m not nervous. I mean it’s not like my boss could eat me in one gulp if I do anything that displeases her…ehehe…”

A: “Just stay calm and we’ll get through this together! …probably.”

Computer: “We have arrived at the mothership. Opening bridge.”

[Door opening]

[Walking]

T: “Hellooo!”

A: “Trakooly! Always a pleasure!”

T: “Oh stop, the pleasure is all mine. Oh my stars, who is this little cutie?!”

A: “Ah yes, this is Subject 7, my control experiment.”

T: “OOOHH! How precious!”

[Trakooly scoops up and hugs Subject 7 tight]

T: “Ohhh~ You’re so adorable! I could just eat you up!”

T: “Mmmwah! Mwah! Mwah!” (Kisses)

T: “Oh, am I squeezing you too tight?”

T: “There you go, sweetie. Sorry about that! Hehe~”

A: “What about your human?”

T: “Ah, well this is Subject 106.” (Said like “One-O-Six”)

T: “Come on sweetie, say hi.”

S-106: “...Hi.” (Hesitant)

T: “Don’t mind her. She’s terribly shy. I fear I may have…broken her.” (Admitting)

A: “What happened?”

T: “Well she was fine at the start of our experiments. Quite sociable, but when she found out about my uh…diet, let’s say…the discovery seemed to have triggered a psychotic breakdown. It is unfortunate, but valuable data nonetheless.” 

A: “I’m…sorry to hear that.”

A: “I guess we should get going? We don’t want to keep the boss waiting.”

T: “Right you are! Onward! In the name of science!”

I: “Heyyyy! What’s up, party people?” 

T: Ilandra, darling, how have you been?”

I: “Just fine~ Better than fine actually. These humans are like a supernova in your mouth!”

[Burp]

I: “I ate up my entire stock right before coming here. I can’t believe I ran out so quickly.”

[Slaps large belly, making it slosh]

[Burp]

I: “What are we doing here anyway? The boss said she’s been meeting up with everyone in groups of three.”

A: “Your guess is as good as mine.”

T: “Did you remember to bring your control experiment?”

I: “Ooo…about that. I kinda lost track of mine.”

A: “Lost track of?”

I: “Okay, okay, I might have accidentally digested them.”

T: “Oh my stars…”

I: “I sat on them as punishment for misbehaving, but I was careless and they got lodged up my anus…”

I: “Poor bastard got sucked in so deep that they went all the way into my greedy stomach.”

A: “That doesn’t sound very ‘accidental’.”

I: “Well… they felt really good up there alright! You would have totally done the same thing if you were me.” (Flustered, defensive)

A: “But you didn’t need to digest them…”

I: “Well hey, it’s no biggie! I brought Subject 80 as a replacement.”

S-80: (Light snarling, zombie-like breathing) “Hungry…”

A: “Uhm…what is that thing?”

S-80: (Slightly aggressive, deranged) “Hungry!” 

I: “Hey, don’t be rude! This is my personal pet project. Took a couple of tries, but I managed to splice some of my own DNA with this human’s. Behold! The first hujkit-human hybrid!”

S-80: (Soft and groaning) “Huuuuuunnnnnggrryyyy…”

A: “I…don’t know what to say. This is…incredible! I never would have thought to do something like this.”

T: “Hmm…I’m not sure the flavors would mix very well.”

I: “Only one way to find out~”

T: “Oh you’re such a tease~”

Guard: “Identification please.”

A: “Here you go.”

[Scanning, beeping]

I: “Glad I didn’t accidentally forget mine…”

[Burp]

Guard: “Alright. You’re good to go. Head down the corridor and drop the humans off in the decontamination zone. The Chief Researcher will be waiting for you in her office.”

A: “Thank you. Long live the Galactic Union!” (Bowing)

Guard: “Long live the Galactic Union.” (Flatly)

[Walking, continued]

T: “Did you see the way he was looking at me?”

A: “I know, girl! He was totally checking you out!”

T: “I hope so…”

T: Sighs wistfully “I haven’t touched tentacles with a hot stud like that in ages.”

I: “Oh my stars, tell me about it! I’ve gotten so little action I feel like my egg sacs are gonna dry up.”

[Burp]

A: “At least I’ve had a lot of fine dining to keep us occupied.”

T: “Hehe, true enough~ The bigger we get, the easier it’ll be to find a mate.”

S-80: “Hungry…”

I: “Ay, no wandering off Subject 80.”

I: “That’s right, this way!” (Like speaking to a pet)

[Big burp]

I: “Mmnmm~” (Purring pleasure)

I: “Fucking melt for me…” (Sadistic bliss)

I: Lascivious moan

I: “I can’t wait for this stupid meeting to be over so I can fly back to earth and stuff myself all over again~”

T: “Hmm~ I might have to join you.”

I: “Nuh uh~ You better find your own hunting ground. I want mine all to myself.”

T: Sigh “A billion years of evolution and we’re still at the whims of our territorial instincts.” 

A: “Subject 7, are you doing alright?”

A: “Good, good. I’m going to leave for just a second, but I’ll be right back. Just stay here, get rinsed off, and be on your best behavior.”

I: “Yo, come on! We don’t wanna keep the boss waiting!”

A: “Okay, see you in a bit!”

[Ademordna hurries off to catch up with the other two]

[The humans are left alone together]

Computer: “Commencing decontamination.”

Subject 106: “Ah! …” (Surprised jolt and a shiver as cold water is poured down onto her)

Subject 80: “Rhhaaarrh…rrhhh…rhhhaarh!!” (Animalistic grumbles as she ineffectively lashes out at the machines cleaning her)

Computer: “Decontamination complete.”

Subject 80: “Hrrarr…” (Raspy exhale)

Subject 106: Depressed sigh

[Subject 7 speaks to Subject 106]

Subject 106: “Hm? Oh…uh…my name is Angela.”

S-80: “Hungry. H-Hungry.” (whispering, sporadic)

S-106: “I was…out camping…when she took me.”

S-106: “I…thought that she was a nice alien. I was wrong.” (Sad)

S-106: (On the verge of tears)  Inhale and exhale “I was such an idiot.”

S-106: sniffle “Yeah well…I guess we’re both a little messed up now.”

S-106: “God…I just…want this nightmare to be over.”

S-80: “Food…” (Entranced, zombie-like)

S-106: “Hey! Get off! Don’t touch me!”

S-80: (Sound of opening mouth wide) “Ahhhh~”

S-106: “EW! WHAT THE FUCK?! Stop her! Get her off me!”

S-106: Panicked scream 

[Scream is cut off]

[Vore happens]

[S-80 burps]

S-80: Sigh “Sssatisfied…” (Blissful)

S-106: Hysterical crying “Oh my god oh my god oh my god!”

S-106: Muffled scream

S-106: Muffled whine that peters out

S-80: “Food good…good food good.”

S-106: “Spit me out! You can’t do this! I’ve been through enough already! Just let me out!”

S-80: “Noooo…” (Growling)

S-106: “I can’t get out! I-I’m stuck upside down! Help me, please!”

S-80: “Stay…back…meat!” (Threatening S-7)

S-80: “My food…caught fair and square!”

S-106: “Subject 80 please…if there’s a way we can work this out, just listen to us! I don’t want to hurt you!”

S-80: “No freedom…only hunger…only digestion!”

[Heavy footsteps]

Chief Researcher: “Well, isn’t this a surprise.”

CR: “I’m going to take a wild guess and say that big belly isn’t due to human pregnancy.”

I: “Uhhh…ma’am, chief, boss, I can explain.”

T: “Subject 80 seems to have eaten my control experiment.” (Flatly, disappointed)

I: “Hey hey listen, I didn’t make her do that! She did it all on her own!”

A: “Subject 7, are you alright?”

CR: “Silence! Ilandra, speak.”

I: “Well you see…I kinda sorta messed up the uh…”

[Burp]

I: “...messed up the experiment by accidentally digesting my control test subject.”

CR: “So instead of bringing me the correct test subject, you brought this abomination?”

I: “Abomination?! Listen boss, I’ll have you know I worked super hard on this! Do you know how hard it is the genetically modify the living tissue of a newly discovered species of-” (Speaking fast + nervous)

[Chief Researcher chomps down on Ilandra]

I: “Mmmmph! Mmmmph!” (Muffled scream)

I: “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I take it back!” (Panic)

I: “No please! Nooooooooo!” (Scream becoming distant)

[Chief Researcher burps]

CR: Satisfied sigh Lips smacking “That hit the spot.”

I: Muffles sounds of a struggle

CR: “Settle down in there. [Burp] I can’t tolerate such incompetence on my ship, [Burp] so prepare yourself for deletion.”

I: “No, please!” More sounds of a struggle

CR: “Hmmrph…”

[Burp]

CR: “Guards, have the rogue test subject escorted to my personal lab. I want to study her digestion capabilities.”

CR: “I trust you two have no objections?”

A: “No ma’am!”

T: Sigh “Subject 106 will be missed, but I will remember her fondly as the adorable little snack she was.”

[Guard approaches and takes S-80 away]

S-80: “Rhrrg! Let go! Put down!”

[Burp]

CR: “Honestly, I’m tempted to eat all three of them and call it a bust, but we can still salvage some useful data from this.”

[Alarm blares]

CR: “What is it now?” (Tired)

A: “Uh…is that alarm supposed to be blaring?”

CR: “Hmm…” (Checks something.)

Computer: “Warning. Nuclear Missile strike detected. Source: Earth.”

T: “Oh my…”

CR: “Ah, it seems they’re finally fighting back.”

CR: “Computer, disarm and dismantle the nuclear missile headed our way.”

Computer: “Affirmative.”

CR: “Actually, on second thought, [Burp] just delete the damn thing..” 

Computer: “Affirmative.”

[Alarm stops]

CR: “Now, where were we? Ah, yes, I need to inform you two that there’s been a recent development that’s going to take precedence over everything else.”

A: “What is it, Chief?”

CR: “From this point forward I’m ordering that all consumption of humans is strictly prohibited.”

A & T both: “WHAT?!”

CR: “I know. It’s not an easy decision, but it’s a mandate for the health and safety of our entire team.”

A: “Is it because they’re retaliating?”

CR: “Of course not. However, we’ve discovered irrefutable evidence that suggests consumption of humans leads to mutations in our biochemistry. There haven’t been any serious cases yet, but given how addictive they are as food, it will eventually lead to madness among the crew if we don’t find a cure.”

T: “Oh my stars…” (Muttering, astonished)

A: “But…uh…didn’t you just eat Ilandra? Her stomach was already packed to the brim with humans so…”

CR: “Why yes, and I have room for more, if you’re volunteering.”

A: “Uh, n-no ma’am!”

CR: “Hmmph, no need to worry about me. Until we find a cure, this will be the last time my stomach processes human meat.”

[Burp]

CR: “We’ve never faced a crisis like this before, not even in any of our simulations. I want everyone to pitch in and come up with a solution, or else we may be forced to abandon this planet.”

T: “Well surely it can’t be that hard to counter the biological effects of eating humans.”

CR: “Yes, we’re heading into this with cautious optimism. Right now there’s no real reason to be worried.”

CR: “You two are dismissed. Await aboard your vessel for further instruction.”

A & T both: “Yes ma’am!” (Salute)

[Later]

[Ademordna’s stomach growls]

A: “Ugh…I’m starting to get hungry again.”

A: “Since I can’t eat humans anymore, I guess I’ll have to resort to the nutrition paste instead.”

Computer: “Incoming call from Chief Researcher Kway-Marin.”

A: “Hey boss! You’re looking…bigger.”

CR: “Why thank you. I just wrapped up digesting that snack from earlier. She was intolerable to the very end, made me quite gassy. It made it awkward when the humans suddenly opened communications attempting to negotiate.”

A: “How did that go?”

CR: “About as well as you’d expect from such a primitive species. The humans are in disarray, panicking that their archaic technology can’t even begin to compare to ours. If I were in the same room as those neanderthals I would have devoured them all simply to shut them up.”

CR: “But I digress. Is Subject 7 with you?”

A: “Yes, they’re here.”

CR: “Excellent. I have a number of special assignments for you both. According to our records, among all of our research vessels, you two have maintained the most cordial relationship between scientist and test subject.”

A: “Yeah, we’re friends! Right Subject 7?”

CR: “Good, very good. I need you to study how humans might help us in alternative ways other than providing sustenance while we search for a cure. I’m sending you into the Ublad Octant in order to fetch us some emergency food rations since humans are off the table for now.”

CR: “Oh, also, I’m transferring ownership of Subject 80 to you.”

[Door opens]

[Subject 80 walks in]

[S-80 burps]

S-80: “Rmmm…tasty…”

CR: “Her stomach acid is much weaker than ours, so she processes food slower.

A: “W-Wait, why not give her to Trakooly!?”

CR: You still have plenty of humans aboard your vessel, so she won’t run out of food anytime soon. Also, her being a hybrid means we can study the effects of human consumption on her without endangering any of our own staff.”

A: “Oh I…I see…”

CR: “Keep her alive, and don’t let her digest Subject 7. If you do there will be consequences.”

A: “Yes ma’am! I won’t let you down!”

CR: “Yes, you won’t. Otherwise, well, it would be a shame to digest one of our best researchers. Though I would still appreciate the extra sustenance, especially in these trying times.”

CR: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some business to take care of.”

A: Sigh “We’re really in it now…”