Chapter 50 - Aunt Xiao, please don’t push me away...

When Xiao Wanqing woke up the next day, the sun was already high in the sky. She looked around — it was her familiar bedroom. The clock on the nightstand showed that the alarm had been turned off manually.

Rubbing her temples, she still felt a bit hazy from a hangover. She remembered that the night before, unable to sleep in the middle of the night, she'd planned to have a little drink to help herself relax. But somehow, as she drank, her thoughts became messier and messier, and after that…

Xiao Wanqing pressed a hand to her forehead. Her memory was fuzzy. She vaguely remembered that Lin Xian might have caught her smoking. Had she hugged Lin Xian, or was it the other way around? She bit her lip, a crack forming in her usually gentle and composed expression.

Had she lost control while drunk? Said something odd? Done something embarrassing? Or worse… had she gotten completely drunk and disorderly? She… she thought she usually held her liquor pretty well?

Just then, Lin Xian walked in carrying a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice with honey. What she saw was Xiao Wanqing sitting on the bed, hair tousled and natural, her expression full of confusion and regret.

The sunlight streamed through the window, bathing her in a soft, warm glow. Under the morning light, Lin Xian noticed that on Xiao Wanqing’s fair little ear — usually barely visible — tiny, fine baby hairs stood out adorably, as if greeting her.

“Pfft!” Lin Xian couldn’t help but laugh and walked over to her bedside.

Xiao Wanqing looked at her, startled for a moment. Then, right before Lin Xian’s eyes, a soft blush bloomed across her fair cheeks.

A tender smile formed in Lin Xian’s eyes. She too was feeling a little nervous — did Xiao Wanqing remember what happened last night?

Still, she calmed herself, set the orange-honey water on the nightstand, and greeted her cheerfully, “Aunt Xiao, you’re awake! Good morning. Does your head hurt? I made some fresh orange juice with honey. Drink a little after you freshen up, it’ll help.”

Xiao Wanqing’s hands, hidden under the blanket, twisted together involuntarily. Gazing at Lin Xian’s familiar, bright smile, she hesitated for a moment before asking softly, “Xianxian… was it you who brought me back to my room?”

Lin Xian glanced at her subtly, trying to gauge how much she remembered. Then she nodded calmly. “Yeah, I carried you back, Aunt Xiao. You were drunk, and it was freezing outside. I was afraid you’d catch a cold.” She added naturally, “You’re so light, Aunt Xiao. Do you not eat properly at lunch when you’re out?”

Fragments of the night flickered in Xiao Wanqing’s mind, but she couldn’t recall any clear details. She lowered her head slightly, embarrassed, and thanked Lin Xian softly, “I’m sorry to trouble you. I lost control.”

Her heart sank. She feared she’d set a bad example for Lin Xian or left a poor impression. Next time… she really ought to just take medicine instead. A pill or two now and then shouldn’t hurt, right?

But to her surprise, Lin Xian grinned wide, revealing neat white teeth. “It’s no trouble. You were super cute when you were drunk, Aunt Xiao.”

Xiao Wanqing, already blushing furiously, turned an even deeper shade of red. She lifted her eyes, about to say something but hesitating, and asked worriedly, “Did I… do anything strange?”

She couldn’t remember at all… Lin Xian wasn’t sure if she felt relieved, or… a little disappointed.

After a pause, she blinked her bright fox-like eyes playfully. The little apple-shaped earrings Xiao Wanqing had helped her put on last night glinted in the morning light. She suddenly said mischievously, “Why don’t you go freshen up first, drink this juice, and then come have breakfast — I’ll tell you then.”

With that, she turned and walked out.

Xiao Wanqing stared blankly at Lin Xian’s retreating figure. Then she looked up and patted her forehead. Clearly, drinking was a mistake — one bad night could ruin her reputation.

Eager for answers, she moved faster than usual. After quickly washing up and applying lotion to her face, she grabbed the glass of orange-honey water and drank it as she made her way to the dining room to find Lin Xian.

Before she even arrived, the mouthwatering aroma of toast reached her nose. Sure enough, when she stepped into the dining room, she saw Lin Xian carrying a delicate white porcelain plate. On it were neatly arranged, well-stuffed sandwiches.

Seeing her, Lin Xian placed the plate at Xiao Wanqing’s usual seat at the table. She stuck out her tongue, slightly embarrassed. “Aunt Xiao, I think I might’ve overcooked the egg in the middle a bit.”

Xiao Wanqing looked at the steaming milk and delicious-smelling sandwiches on the table, and her heart melted.

She sat down, smiling gently. “It’s alright. It smells delicious.”

Lin Xian was still making her own sandwich. Hearing that, she turned around and laughed lightly. “You haven’t even tasted it yet.”

Xiao Wanqing picked up a sandwich carefully with her slender fingers, glanced at Lin Xian with warm eyes, and replied softly, “I can tell in my heart.”

For a moment, Lin Xian felt her heart flush with a strange heat again.

Xiao Wanqing took an elegant bite, chewed slowly, swallowed, then praised sincerely, “It’s even better than I imagined.”

Lin Xian chuckled, heart swelling with sweetness. Teasingly, she said, “Maybe I added too much honey to your juice just now?”

Luckily, Xiao Wanqing didn’t catch the affectionate undertone in Lin Xian’s words. Instead, at the mention of juice, she suddenly remembered — Lin Xian still hadn’t given her an answer. She put down her sandwich and asked seriously, “Xianxian, did I say anything strange last night? Or… do anything odd?”

Lin Xian carried her own sandwich over and sat beside her. Her brows lowered slightly as she hesitated. “You did.”

Xiao Wanqing instantly tensed, eyes fixed on Lin Xian.

Lin Xian set down her sandwich and said gently, “Aunt Xiao, I saw you smoking last night.”

Xiao Wanqing’s fingers tightened ever so slightly. Her beautiful face showed both embarrassment and guilt. She lowered her gaze and apologized, “I’m sorry… I must’ve set a bad example.”

She... actually rarely smoked. In fact, she used to strongly dislike the smell of cigarettes. She was born into a family steeped in culture and education, her parents disciplined and proper in their lifestyle. Her father never smoked, and even alcohol was a rare indulgence. When she was younger, anytime she encountered someone smoking inappropriately in public, she couldn’t help but feel a strong urge to walk away. She found it unbearable—cigarette smoke was just so foul. That disgust soon turned into resentment; she believed smokers lacked self-control and didn’t care enough about themselves.

After all, everyone knew smoking was bad for your health.

Yet, in the end, she too became one of those reckless people—weak-willed and self-destructive.

Her first cigarette was borrowed from Wen Tong.

Back then, she had just broken up with Yan Jia, and not long after, she found out from Zhou Qin that her father was hospitalized. Distraught, she rushed to visit him, only to be mercilessly turned away at the door. She was engulfed by bitterness, regret, and helplessness. She couldn’t sleep at night, relying on handfuls of sleeping pills to fall asleep. One night, overcome with anxiety, she vaguely remembered taking several pills—how many, she didn’t know—and passed out completely.

She woke up in a hospital bed. Wen Tong stood by the window of her room, her back to her, tapping an unlit cigarette against the windowsill, over and over.

After that, Wen Tong insisted on having her stay at her place for a while. No matter how many times she explained it was an accident, Wen Tong just wouldn’t believe she hadn’t intentionally overdosed. Xiao Wanqing couldn't resist her concern and agreed to move in—if only symbolically—for a short while.

One night, the insomnia returned, but Wen Tong had already taken away all her sleeping pills. Bored and restless, she left the bedroom to get some hot water, hoping to distract herself. That’s when she saw Wen Tong on the balcony, a faint orange glow flickering between her fingers.

She put down her cup and walked over, lowering her voice as she asked, “Can I borrow a cigarette?”

Wen Tong looked at her, somber and silent, her brows drawn in a tight frown.

Ignoring the lack of response, she reached into the cigarette box on the balcony table and took one. Her hands were clumsy as she lit it. The first inhale made her choke so hard her eyes flooded with tears...

Through the curling smoke, Wen Tong’s brows remained furrowed as she asked in a low voice, “Xiao Wanqing, when are you planning to pull yourself out of this?”

She had never seen Wen Tong look so melancholic before.

Xiao Wanqing didn’t answer. She took another drag, only to end up in another coughing fit that seemed like it wouldn’t stop...

The next day, she left Wen Tong’s home.

As a friend, Wen Tong had already done more than enough. Xiao Wanqing was grateful.

But this road—she still had to walk it alone.

She thought to herself: if she was unhappy, that was her burden to carry. She shouldn’t drag Wen Tong into this murky, suffocating pit of sorrow with her. Once upon a time, when she hadn’t yet become so troubled, Wen Tong had been so carefree and radiant.

Later, she learned to smoke on her own during lonely nights. And slowly, she learned to quit.

Years later, she only lit up during rare moments of overwhelming anxiety.

She hadn’t expected Lin Xian to catch her this time.

But Lin Xian didn’t seem the least bit upset. After all, what did Xiao Wanqing’s smoking have to do with her? Lin Xian simply shook her head and said, “It’s not like you made me breathe in any secondhand smoke. What’s the harm?”

Then she crouched down, resting her chin on Xiao Wanqing’s thigh, blinking her big, bright eyes like a child trying to be spoiled. “But Aunt Xiao, smoking is bad for your health. Don’t your words mean anything?”

Xiao Wanqing stared at the little head on her knees, feeling something stir inside her. She couldn’t explain the feeling—just nodded gently and said, “Of course they count.”

Lin Xian’s eyes curved into happy little crescents as she chimed, “Then you already promised me yesterday—you said you’d stop smoking from now on.”

Xiao Wanqing hurriedly searched her scattered memory. Had that really happened? It sounded vaguely familiar, yet maybe not?

Lin Xian saw her silence and instantly pouted, clearly sensing she had forgotten. She demanded, “I don’t care! Aunt Xiao, you can’t go back on your word. You promised me!”

Xiao Wanqing’s lips curled into a soft smile. She patted Lin Xian’s head and said warmly, “I don’t remember, but... I promise you now.”

Lin Xian immediately added, “Then promise me you won’t drink so much, either.”

Xiao Wanqing replied without hesitation, “Okay, I promise.”

Lin Xian opened her mouth, wanting to say "Promise me you won’t fall for her again,”but then paused. Her expression shifted, her lips drooping, her gaze dimmed.

“Aunt Xiao,” she said softly, “you asked me yesterday... you asked if we’re too close.” She looked up, a trace of grievance in her eyes. “Did I make you uncomfortable?”

Xiao Wanqing felt her heart tighten painfully in that instant, unease creeping through her like smoke.

Yes, last night’s restlessness hadn’t been just about seeing Yan Jia again or being reminded of the past. It was also because something about her relationship with Lin Xian had begun to feel... off. Too close. Too familiar. It was making her uneasy.

When she was younger, she had a reserved nature and strict upbringing—she’d never been the type to cuddle up to elders. She’d also never been this close to someone so much younger. So now, she wasn’t sure whether her occasional soft-hearted flutter when it came to Lin Xian was normal or... something else.

But then, looking down at this adorable girl resting her head on her lap like a little puppy, her big eyes full of hurt and sadness, how could she bear to push her away?

She shook her head and said gently, “No, Xianxian. Drunken words don’t count. Don’t take them seriously.”

Lin Xian lowered her head, her voice low. “Aunt Xiao... my mom may seem gentle, but she’s actually very strict with me. When she gets mad, even my dad can’t stop her. So when I was little, I used to envy classmates with gentle moms—like the kind who never scold them. The first time I saw you, Aunt Xiao, I really liked you. You were exactly like the gentle, warm mom I always dreamed about... for a moment, I felt like my dream had come true. So I kept wanting to be close to you.”

“Aunt Xiao, please don’t push me away...” By the end, her voice trembled, on the verge of tears.

Her words made Xiao Wanqing’s heart ache with guilt.

She had overthought everything. Lin Xian’s thoughts were so pure—she simply wanted to be closer to someone she liked. What was Xiao Wanqing doing doubting that?

She cupped Lin Xian’s little face with both hands and comforted her softly, “Xianxian, it was just drunken talk. Don’t be scared.”

Lin Xian’s eyes instantly sparkled with hope. “Really?”

Xiao Wanqing smiled and flicked her nose. “Really. Don’t worry, now get up—it’s time to eat, your food’s going cold.”

And just like that, Lin Xian’s eyes lit up with joy. She bounced to her feet and chirped, “Okay! I’ll go eat now!”

Xiao Wanqing let out a long sigh in her heart and thought to herself: maybe it's just that she hasn’t been close to anyone in a long time. It’s also been far too long since she last let her guard down and allowed someone into her heart. That’s why, at the slightest disturbance, she ends up flinching at shadows and overreacting.

She took a bite of her sandwich, convincing herself not to overthink it.