NWD 12
Added 2024-06-24 07:32:53 +0000 UTCI'll Make a Nin out of you!
Okay, that's the Kommission done, standard rotation next.
Comments
I don’t think his assessment of Hinata was right. I don’t disagree that the pairing was kinda shoehorned as not enough development and he kinda rejected her by ignoring her after she confessed. The girl did not have the willpower to save herself much less others, her own situation was not the best. But at one point she did step up and put her life one the line to save Naruto. I agree this a relationship does not make, as those take time and proximity, not just one sided admiration. But his assessment of her is definitely way more negative than it should be. Wanting to help others is what gets her to step up.
Zerak
2024-06-27 12:05:27 +0000 UTCHuh, I wonder if this interpretation of Genjutus allows you to illusion feelings on someone. I can just imagine the sheer damage a depression genjutsu would cut through ninja ranks.
Ryune
2024-06-27 06:22:55 +0000 UTCI think part of it may be some sort of Japanese societal relationship dynamic that just didn't translate well to foreign audiences. As an example: in Japanese culture, the more formal a couple is, the more romantic. Here, the exact oppoaite is true. Also Li is projecting a touch. He does that. It's a core of every Lee insert.
Arkos Sloth
2024-06-26 21:54:50 +0000 UTCSo...1000% there's gonna be nobles there Then Li is gonna deadpan that last line right back at Anko
Joseph Fera
2024-06-25 19:59:01 +0000 UTCWith the threat of the slave seal or becoming a missing nin hanging over her head I'm willing to give her the extra year it took her.
Xisaro
2024-06-25 18:17:09 +0000 UTCOh, he's projecting a bit, but the stalking/watching from afar thing, from what I remember of the Anime, is canon, though it was done in throway flashbacks and not an ongoing plot point because Kishimoto can't write female-centric plots to save his life. To be fair, though, it might be Shippuden, so non-canonical for this story (which Li is messing up by mixing up), and she got worse in Bort, but EVERYONE got worse in Bort.
PublicLee Speaking
2024-06-25 17:47:55 +0000 UTCEleven.
PublicLee Speaking
2024-06-25 17:45:46 +0000 UTCHis gripes with Hinata feels like he's projecting his own issues/traumas onto her tbh. Canonically she never stalked Naruto, perhaps it was shown in some filler shit, but even then its mainly just played up in fanfics. She was a 12yr old girl who grew up with a strict, emotionally (and most likely physically) abusive father. Naruto's situation wasn't something she could realistically help with
fireball77
2024-06-25 12:24:08 +0000 UTCI just thought he was being overly self righteous on the Haku thing not a hypocrite. And if there is no forced love then I have less issues with it but still kinda think he is disregarding her feelings in making the decision unilaterally. I thought he was a hypocrite for saying Hinata was playing the victim because he brings up his victim status and judges a lot of situations/people based on how he was treated. I'm not saying it's wrong to learn from those experiences and use them to make judgement calls but Hinata is 12 and is probably experiencing a similar situation with an abusive family and the complaint is she is being passive and admiring seeing someone having the strength to overcome their situation? That sounds f'd up. Also, she does use that inspiration to start pushing back and stop being passive in the chunin exam even though she didn't have the strength to win. How old was the MC when he started to push back at his abusive situation?
Xisaro
2024-06-24 22:01:02 +0000 UTCNo problem.
Meudon
2024-06-24 19:03:22 +0000 UTCThe Capitalizations are on purpose, while the long sentences are still grammatically correct, and also the way I actually talk, so those are not errors. That said, things like Uchiha's needing to be Uchihas are corrections that needed to be made, so thanks for pointing that out.
PublicLee Speaking
2024-06-24 18:53:21 +0000 UTCSo, I dropped Naruto before we got to the Pein Arc, and heard about it second hand, kind of like my knowledge of Boruto, so he could absolutely be wrong about it as that is a series that LOVES its retcons, but the issue is that a lot of people go along with the framing and ignore the unfortunate implications (Like Kakashi being so bad a teacher it's arguably traitorous). That said, one of the things that I absolutely despise is passivity, and anyone that exhibits those behaviors isn't going to get the benefit of the doubt from me. As for the Haku Romance thing... No, that's not how it works, it doesn't create love, only loyalty, and while Haku's own mentality would let her be pushed into being a Harem Member for Li, it doesn't 'make her love him so he has to take responsibility or he's a hypocrite' or anything like that.
PublicLee Speaking
2024-06-24 18:02:00 +0000 UTCOut of the three from this commission, this was my favorite. Seeing Li adapt a Disney song into a marching candace using genjutsu to make it a full musical training scene was great. Li wondering what type of girl Naruto would like got a chuckle out of me, and then you topped it off with the return of Kakashi and the explanation of why search and destroy missions are needed. Great hook for the next round of chapters, as I'm sure everyone will want to see how/if Kakashi has changed after his remedial lessons with the Third Hokage, and the last line tempting Murphy tells us that Li will absolutely run into someone of political power and we want to see if his mouth will finally write a check his ass can't check.
Steven Stiring
2024-06-24 16:49:24 +0000 UTCEdits less than normal, but, -> normal. But, DBZ-but-Asian, though -> DBZ-but-Asian. Despite that, Leaf Nin allowing Naruto -> allowed nearly immediately, but -> immediately. But reproachful look, that he -> look, he just frustrated, which she -> frustrated. Thankfully cheat like a motherfucker, the -> motherfucker. The maintaining, Ren -> and Ren activated his Sharingan, and -> Sharingan. And get someone with, especially -> with. Especially her friends announce -> annoyance, because So, Uchiha’s -> Uchihas with your network, but, -> network. But, omnidirectional, and to -> omnidirectional. To afterwards, Kurenai had me stay after, -> stay, Gening -> other Genin out to eat, and I -> out to eat. I week after that, my sensei informing -> that. My sensei informed once given what -> once charging maybe you should back off, and, -> off. And, percentage of Konoha that I -> Konoha I do about, though, well, World Domination-> about it. Because, well, world domination hearing about how one modern-ish -> about one the thought of doing so -> of intentionally getting old and dieing certain price range, as while our team were-> range. While our team was And my teammates were… okay? -> combine this and next three paragraphs into one getting to know them, as Sasuke’s -> them. Sasuke's But, able to break down -> being able that broke the pinkette -> broke the pinkette snooty shell, to the point -> shell. It had such an impact So we did that regularly -> So we ate lunch together regularly next to me, the boy -> me. The boy be his friend, though -> friend. Though Familial Slavery -> familial slavery unempathetic, she -> unempathetic. She concrete, but -> concrete. But as I wielded Minazuki, the blade not cutting -> Minazuki. The blade didn't cut glancing hits in, and Sakura’s -> in. Sakura's she was good at, as it -> at. It and were easier -> and those were be your Sensei -> sensei impossible to master’ skills, but one -> skills. One Li-Senpai -> Li-senpai ‘Vassal’ -> 'vassal' Ice Kunoichi -> ice kunoichi who,yeah -> who, yeah Anko-Sensei’s -> Anko-sensei's do it, Believe it! -> do it. Believe it! more difficult, Believe It! -> difficult. Believe Naruto, Bandits -> bandits prosperous we are, they’re -> are. They're 'Fuck You, I Got Mine’ -> Fuck you, I got mine shit pushed in, but -> in. But Ninja Arts -> ninja arts Rogue Nin -> rogue in we’re Shinobi -> shinobi so much Chakra -> chakra Hiring Nin -> nin getting Nobles -> nobles close to Nobles -> nobles Chances of us runnin’ into anyone that matters out there are pretty much nada!” Famous last words (in Spanish!)
Meudon
2024-06-24 14:18:13 +0000 UTCYeah, regarding Hinata, she didn't fall in love with Naruto because he was inspiring in persevering through hardship. She fell in love with him when he stood up to a pair of civilian kids bullying her over her "weird eyes". So we are talking about untrained idiots who don't know what a "Hyuuga" is, while living in Konoha. Her character arc is that right up until the Pein fight, her ability to stand up for anyone or speak up is practically non-existent. Then she grows a backbone, then Pein kills her 5 seconds later. Li is kinda right that her pre-Pein personality is NTR bait, but less because "suffering is good for Naruto", and more because she can't say no.
David Lukacsovich
2024-06-24 13:18:21 +0000 UTCI really don't want to be over critical and I like the story overall so I hope this is more constructive than confrontational. I think the MC can be overly self-righteous and judgemental alot of the time, also a little bit of a hypocrite too. While it can be interesting to see him poke at charter flaws and plot/setting issues (even though it's originally a shonen action comedy) extrapolated and looked at seriously from an outside perspective, sometimes it seems like they've been extrapolated to the point of a straw man. His opinion on Hinata was what made me stop to write this but there have been other examples that didn't feel as egregious though we're still a little annoying. As far as Hinata goes, first, I don't think she ever stalked him outside of watching him train sometimes, she didn't follow him around in the manga at least as far as I remember (I never watch the anime and it is a overly common fanfic trope). Second she has crippling social anxiety, is regularly abused physically and emotionally by her cousin and father (though they were both given humanizing backstories), and raised in a clan of slaves that have probably been tortured if she tried to befriend or sympathize with them because they are below her status (also they might resent her for that status). Third, she was probably told not to interact with him (because she is a clan heir and he has the ninetails) since she was an impressionable and introverted child. Given all that, her making attempts to overcome all that and start interacting with him at the age of 12-13 in canon was pretty commendable. Also, has the MC even spoken to Hinata? It seems like he made a lot of serious assumptions about her character and tore that image of her down. My self-righteous assessment was more about his stance on Haku. He decided to save her life by stamping her which makes him responsible for her sure but that includes that she now loves him and only him but she's off limits because she is a vassal, because power imbalance... Really? It's theoretically the right (if uptight) thing to do but completely disregards her feelings that are now permanent even if imposed by the stamp. It feels like more of an arranged marriage anyway. I think he's a bit of a hypocrite for saying Hinata is playing the victim when he complains about being gaslit in his previous life. Chances are she's been gaslit by her family too. She is a 12 year old with a crush and near zero social skills (I forgot if they were aged up in this fic but even then) and how old is he? Anyway, sorry for the rant but the way he tore into Hinata without provocation kinda pissed me off. Naruto and the MC aren't the only people with trauma and her way of dealing with her's is pretty harmless to everyone as far as I can tell.
Xisaro
2024-06-24 10:22:06 +0000 UTCLoved the "specced to produce paperclip" scenario. It is such a petty thing to do but so inline with the company it made me laugh.
Guilherme Bezerra
2024-06-24 10:13:47 +0000 UTCI feel like anko just jinxed them at the end there. And that is gonna annoy the fuck outta her later. Also you'd think with how often Sakura gets bitch slapped she'd learn faster. It's very satisfying though so I hope she doesn't
Bishop7053
2024-06-24 09:02:38 +0000 UTCThe Mulan reference has many levels.
PublicLee Speaking
2024-06-24 08:05:21 +0000 UTCExcellent training song I love it. I really hope Lee isn't too rocked when Naruto reveals that she's been lying about her gender this whole time
Joel Bullock
2024-06-24 07:55:03 +0000 UTC
