Therapist on holiday! Expressing emotions in therapy/IEPs & Sexual abuse link to EDs
Added 2016-12-10 20:16:16 +0000 UTC5. My therapist has just went on holidays, so I won't see him again till mid December (which honestly doesn't seem long for a lot of people, but I've only done three week gap once and that's recently and it was bad), so I am so not confident that I'll be able to cope that well...do you have any tips??
6. I really want to be able to express emotions in therapy, especially cry to let it all out; I can do it outside therapy now...but once I get into the appointment, the higher anxiety state seem to force tears back, what are you thoughts on this?
7. Could you talk about the relationships between childhood sexual abuse, eating disorders (specifically anorexia), self harm and masturbation. Also can you talk about the importance of identity and how the survivor's idea of "love" can be tainted by the abuse and the importance if a dressing all of these related issues for treatment?
8. You’ve mentioned that you’ve worked with IEP’s before? I’m also in California so you may or may not know a lot about this. I have an IEP for Emotional Disturbance and I was placed in a special needs program that we call an ED Program in 9th grade. What do you know about Emotional Disturbance in schools? More specifically the stigma of Emotional Disturbance?
I feel like I lost out on my education because I know nothing. I have done packet work since 9th grade and wasn’t allowed to be in general ed because I couldn’t handle it and I was not trusted. (I would leave class and was “violent” my sophomore year) I am a senior now and I am taking 3 general ed courses and college on the side – but I feel like I don’t belong in both places. I feel so much exclusion from being in the ED Program when I am in general ed or college. I’ve been bullied for being in “that” class. I am currently fighting for the right to go on the Senior Trip because I am a part of the ED Program; I am technically not the high school’s student.
Am I grieving the loss of education? I feel like I am and I also feel like I don’t have the right to “grieve” it because we were always told that it’s our fault for being in the program. I also always don’t feel good enough and stupid because I didn’t learn like everyone else could. I don’t know how to get past the hate and resentment towards the program and the “teachers”. Since I wasn’t allowed to learn like my general ed friends; I am going to have to take a lot of extra classes in college. How do I move past this?
Comments
I totally agree with you about how school systems are not set up for people who have different needs! I struggled with Selective Mutism for 9 years and that lead me to be a target for bullying and the school's excuse that if I wanted it to stop then I would have to talk. I feel like the school systems don't know what to do and I am hoping that one day they will. The last 4 years, I was just not allowed to learn. It was me being given a book and told "good luck". I had a manic episode, although I do not have Bipolar Disorder, my freshman year and I did over 800 math problems in one night and I went to school the next day and I was completely alone on the work. It was all review, I knew it from the bits and pieces of middle school. Before I was tested for Emotional Disturbance -- I was kicked out of classes and was forced to sit outside alone. I was suspended and expelled multiple times. They had no idea I was dealing with a trauma and my own emotions at the time. My IQ is barely at average (I think 89) but honestly, what does an IQ do? It just seperates us. Everybody should be treated equal and not separate. I do, however, understand placing students in where their needs should be met but the stigma shouldn't be placed. I am glad that you were able to go to college and I am sorry to hear that stuff happened. I hope that one day students will be treated with respect and be equal. I want the administeration and everyone who works in schools to understand that being different or struggling doesn't mean you can isolate a child.
Jennifer Hall
2016-12-19 21:05:26 +0000 UTChope you have a happy holidays and a break from work and all that, lol my counselor told me they'll be around over the break and I'm like what??? I mean its great to have you but you don't need to recharge? I just assume they forgot to tell me they're going away. Enjoy your break xx
Hailey
2016-12-18 21:38:03 +0000 UTCanother random question, I was talking to someone just about how if I'm asked to think about who I am what my purpose is I go straight to being suicidal thinking. I've been suicidal for over two years now so I get that it is my go to thinking but it is confusing to differentiate how sometimes it is a coping skill, I'm so fucking overwhelmed so the only thing I can think of is that I'll kill myself, or just knowing that's always an option. Then sometimes it totally is intrusive thoughts, butt hen when I do use it as a coping skill it will build up to become intrusive. I guess we were talking how I buy into the suicidal thinking sometimes because I need it but sometimes it is intrusive but then I cope with it by using that thinking, well and other unhealthy mechanisms but it sounds so fucked up. I just don't get it. All I know myself as is that I will kill myself at some point, that doesn't need to be now and I'm a failure and can't see past the negative to think of positive answers. Not sure what I'm trying to ask, or maybe how to get past the negative to get a positive answer because right now I can only give a negative answer to who I am is that makes some sense because it's pretty confusing to me
Hailey
2016-12-18 21:35:37 +0000 UTCIn regard to the last question, I am a highly intelligent person, really high IQ, sucessfull in college despite my mental health, I only haven't persued more education at the moment because of my mental health right now., when its better i'll be back at it. My point is, in primary school (elementary school) I was placed in special ed, I couldn't read and right. Part of it was what i now know was panic attacks, possible dissociation and absolutely anxiety and part of it was severe dyslexia i covered by making up stories that fit the pictures. I was then removed from these classes but offered no further support because i excelled at maths and had a good memory. At reading time i was sent alone to walk down the school to get books i could read, meant for children 3/4 years younger. Most of the time these teachers had no idea i was coming. I was found crying on multiple occations, and it also allowed for abuse to happen at school because i was unsupervised and 9/10 years old. It took me till i was 12 to read at all, and 2 years into college before i was in any way confident. I was verbally articulate from being spoken to, which helped me but didn't help me get help. I can really relate to feeling like an outsider and missing out. I have a huge feeling of inadeqecy when it comes to learning and work because of this. Our school systems are just not set up for people that don't fit in a particular box.
Mags
2016-12-13 22:00:27 +0000 UTCThank you! That really means a lot(: I've been helping out a lot in the LGBT community in my town and setting up events and suggesting activities for the youth. I actually tell the counselors, very calmly, about the stuff you talk about and will give them the links to your videos or I'll even show them your videos when they say something wrong. I also found out today I CAN go on the senior trip! I'll be going to Disneyland in LA next semester!! I will need a chaperone but it's still worth going with my friends. Thank you so much! It means a lot for me!!
Jennifer Hall
2016-12-13 01:12:27 +0000 UTCYay!! Glad you found them helpful :)
Kati Morton
2016-12-12 18:40:35 +0000 UTCOf course!! so glad I could help :) oxox
Kati Morton
2016-12-12 18:40:20 +0000 UTCI am so proud of you and all that you have accomplished!!! And without any school support!! I am glad that you are able to realize what a difference you can make and how important you are. xoxo I am also glad you stopped listening to your counselors.. no one would choose to struggle or have mental illness, they should know better. xoxo
Kati Morton
2016-12-12 18:40:07 +0000 UTCThank you for sharing what helped you :) That is so helpful!! xoxo And I am glad The Courage to Heal Workbook was helpful and normalizing for you :) xoxo
Kati Morton
2016-12-12 18:36:32 +0000 UTCYes agreed!!! I have added it to the list :) Thanks for the feedback Aimee!! xoxo
Kati Morton
2016-12-12 18:33:28 +0000 UTCI love the idea of you making a longer video on the third question! I feel like there's a lot to unpack there. Thanks for all you do Kati!!
Aimee Christine
2016-12-12 03:05:38 +0000 UTCHi, I can really relate to the second question, I struggle with this also. I have one person I really trust outside of therapy and I can talk to her and cry in front of her, but when I go to therapy its like the wall comes down around me and I sit there and tell her this story with no emotion. Its like its somebody else's story and I am just telling it. I sit there and smile at her, hide behind a cushion and just rattle all this stuff off. My therapist thinks I almost use talking as a way to disassociate from what I really feel, almost like a distraction( stay in my head and think rather than feel). In the last session we sat in silence for a period of time, I sat with my two feet on the floor and no cushion and just tried to feel what was going on in my body rather than what I thought I should be feeling. It was so hard and I really struggled to do it, but it definitely helped me move forward a little bit and although I'm still not crying my eyes out in session, I definitely feel less anxious and a bit more open now. I can't explain it but I think I had got to the point where I was almost stuck and was getting really frustrated with myself because I couldn't get emotional in therapy. Also Regarding The Courage To Heal Book & Workbook. If you are dealing with the aftermath of sexual abuse, these books are amazing. I used to really struggle with if the feelings I was having were "Normal" and reading this book I realised they were and that lots of other people feel that way to and that there are so many people out there who have had similar experiences, so helpful. Thank you Kati and sorry for rambling on :) xoxo
Emily
2016-12-11 10:37:14 +0000 UTCOkay, I am making two comments here, this refers to the last question. Okay, for the loss of education. My ED program is called a county program and that basically means when I graduate, my diploma will say "X County Program" and I will need a guest pass to my own graduation (it's messed up) . I do agree with the thought of what message it sends. My program is in a portable located in the middle of the soccer field, away from the actual school. We're "visitors" and "guest students". I think after everything I've gone through being in this program -- I would like to make a difference and prevent the bullying that I had to go through. I didn't think of the words "controlled enviornment" but you're right about that. That is probably why I rebelled so much. I do want to say that when you tell us we are sick enough and we have the right to get help -- I didn't believe that before because of the program. The counselors always told me that I choose to be depressed and anxious; I stopped believing them after watching your videos. I also never thought about writing about the things I wanted to do like go to homecoming or be an active FFA member or go to an assembly -- those things I am not allowed to do. I, however, spent the last year fighting with the school board about having the first Gay Straight Alliance club at my school and I won. The only condition was that I am not allowed to be an officer of the club because I am not their student. I do all the behind the scenes work and my name will not be anywhere near the club. I don't care though because I did a good thing. As for the senior trip, it's still undetermined if I am going to go and it's probably no at this point. I just wanted to explain that because nobody talks about how bad it gets when you lose out on general ed. I had to do everything on my own. I had to do biology and math by myself, which is very difficult when you have no idea what you are doing. I think that the last 4 years taught me that I can make a difference now into adulthood because I made the first GSA and fought for a year over it. I wonder if I could do that for special needs programs. I will definetely keep you update on my senior year and college stuff(: Looking into UC Davis. Sorry for the long message, just wanted to share my thoughts! Thank you so so so much for talking about it!!
Jennifer Hall
2016-12-11 07:02:00 +0000 UTCThanks so much Kati!!! Your tips are so helpful!! 😊😊
Tina
2016-12-11 04:01:11 +0000 UTCThese are really great questions! And the answers are also wonderful as always :)
Emily May
2016-12-11 01:33:45 +0000 UTC
