Two Livestreams this week!

Carrie Pilkington

Carrie Pilkington

my PO Box is: 1223 Wilshire Blvd. #665 Santa Monica, CA 90403 :) Thank you SO much!! xoxo

Kati Morton

I want to send item I made over xmas can I have address plz

Carrie Pilkington

Katie I make cards and art stuff as I don't get out i live in 4 walls

Carrie Pilkington

Hi Kati! My friend has BPD and lied to me a lot. Am I allowed to be mad at her? I don't feel like I am... but it's so hurtful.

Emily Williams

Thank you Kati

Jenny Hughes

Hey Jenny :) If you don't think it's DID related.. do you think it's an OCD thing?? I have had clients who rethink their whole days or weeks (what they said, did and what they could have done better) and it was related to their anxiety and OCD. Once we got that under control (via medication) they felt much better... do you have a psychiatrist or could you see another therapist you would be comfortable talking about this with??? That way we can figure out what's causing it and get you the help you need. xoxo

Kati Morton

Hi Kati, meant to reply sooner but I went off the grid for a few days. It was very helpful, thank you. I'm not going down the path of self diagnosing or anything like that, but if I can't force myself out of this habit before it becomes worse I think it's something worth bringing up in a therapy session in the near future.

Mel

Hey Kati I have another question I watched the Intrusive thought video and that doesn't really cover what I am dealing with my issue sounds like Maladaptive daydreaming but I don't believe I have DID I tend to think about all of my past and daydream about how I would change it what that would look like to be mentally where I am now as a child so that I could stop all the bad stuff that happened and maybe be better (more likeable ,have friends, avoid all the rejection I have dealt with and am still dealing with) it is like I am problem solving but I am not able to live where I am now. This is causing problems because of My weight is out of control so I think back to when I was a child and when I started gaining weight and daydream about making different choices that would make it better now ( I am not sure if that makes sense)But I do this a lot but it doesn't help me make right choices now because I feel like I am too far gone .I don't know what to do about it and I don't know how to explain it to My therapist she is hard on me about my weight so I try and avoid it in therapy

Jenny Hughes

Thank you so much for replying, I will try to bring it up with my therapist when I see her again. Merry Christmas, I hope you have a lovely holiday. x

Emily

Yes it was Thank you Kati

Jenny Hughes

Hey Jana :) Thanks for asking again!! Sorry my first answer wasn't what you wanted. xoxo The click is honestly the same as how we know if we like someone (like meeting a new friend). We just have to know that we like them and we like seeing them. That's truthfully it! Through research we know that it actually doesn't matter what type of therapist we see or if they actually have all the tools we need.. its more about how well we get along with them. Just liking them keeps us motivated and working with them. Yes you do need a therapist who understands and/or specializes in what you are wanting to work on, but other than that, you should just make sure you like them. Does that help a bit?? Over thinking whether or not you should pick them can often leave us trying therapist after therapist and not knowing who to choose! Just go with your gut.. and who you actually like. xoxo I hope that helps a bit more! xoxo

Kati Morton

I hope my answer on Friday was helpful!! xoxo

Kati Morton

I am so sorry that that happened!! At least you know it was the coffee.. and I would say it's probably best for you to avoid coffee for quite awhile. xoxo That way we don't give the ED what it wants... you can fight this!! xoxo

Kati Morton

Hey Jana :) It sounds like what you are struggling with has more to do with your self worth.. I am not sure if you do anything like this already (since I recommend it all the time) but ending each day with positive things about yourself will help. Start with 3 and try to get it up to 5. I want you to write down things you love about yourself and if someone complimented you or did something nice to you that day.. I want you to write that down too.. and this can slowly help us feel better about ourselves, and in turn help us feel more deserving of gifts, love etc. I also have a few videos about building self confidence :) Those would help too!! xoxo

Kati Morton

Yes this is very normal.. usually these are the emotions that are the most difficult for us to experience (the most common I see are anger and happiness) But there are so many! Something that can help is to try writing about it instead of trying to talk about it. You can start by just writing down the emotion and the dictionary definition.. then try to write other thoughts that come up.. these could even be places or people or honestly whatever comes to mind. I know this feels a bit odd, but this allows us to slowly get to know this emotion and any experiences we have had that a related to it. Give it time.. but know this is normal and it can go away with practice :) xoxo

Kati Morton

I will do Hun xx in a perfect world I could travel across the world every week to see you lol! If only... I know that closer to the time I'm going to be a nervous wreck but I'll get through that when the time comes. Was gutted that I didn't have the guts to guest today, maybe next time x I hope that you and Sean have an amazing break! Take it easy and don't worry about us, we have got each other while you're away xx take care and thank you so much for everything x

Keely Pearmain

I think it's normal to feel scared to be happy.. because that feeling could be so foreign.. whereas sadness or depression is so familiar and expected. I think I would start by imagining what it would be like/feel like to be happy. Spend some time daydreaming or journaling out how that would change things.. or how it would feel.. or how that situation could have been different if I were happy, etc. I find we often don't allow ourselves to be happy because it's unknown and scary.. but if we begin to think about being happy and what they would look and feel like.. it slowly gets less scary and more "normal" xoxo I hope that helps!! xoxo Let me know :) xox

Kati Morton

Keep me posted too okay?? oxo

Kati Morton

SO glad you could be on the livestream today!! yay!! I am so proud of you for looking into seeing someone else. Let me know how it goes :) xoxo And I am also proud of you for trying the positive self talk!! It can help SO much!! xoxo Yay!! As for seeing a new therapist, try to take it one thing at a time.. do you like her? Do you feel comfortable in her office? Notice those things and let's focus on those first.. because trusting her can take some time, and I want to make sure you like her and feel like you can work with her. If you can (I know this is hard) but try to focus on one session at a time.. first emailing the issues you want to work on, then making sure you like her, then making sure you feel you can talk to her.. and then slowly trusting her as you get more comfortable. I would also let her know about your last experience.. and how that made you feel so you get a chance to process through that as well :) xoxo

Kati Morton

This isn't a selfish question at all!! When we find out someone we love has a terminal illness, we often start grieving the loss of them right away.. because we know it's coming and it's our brains natural response to that kind of information. So what you are going through is very normal.. even you looking for a magic cure is part of it.. (the bargaining part). I would start seeing a therapist or going to a grief group (they have them at hospitals or the hosp can refer you to some). xoxo Grief is hard and losing someone takes time to process and work through. So reach out for some support and know that what you are feeling is okay and normal. xoxo

Kati Morton

That is VERY normal!! Learning to use our voice again and talk about what happened is often one of the hardest things for my clients to do. That's honestly why dissociation is so common with this as well.. because it's just too much at times and we can't even connect with it at all. Just know that if you keep trying it can and will get better. Just be patient with yourself and know that you are doing the best that you can. xoxo

Kati Morton

It is a really structured group therapy where you slowly work through the different techniques together. Then you are given homework each week and you come back to share how it went for you and what was hard or what you learned etc :) It's pretty much like having a group and therapist to walk you through that DBT workbook little by little :) xxoo

Kati Morton

I laughed so hard at some of that stream lol! Diarrhoea the answer to all excuses x

Keely Pearmain

I hope the answer I gave today was helpful!! xoxo

Kati Morton

Hey Jenny :) I hope my answer on Friday's livestream was helpful! xoxo

Kati Morton

Yay! So glad you could be on today :) xox

Kati Morton

The best advice I can give about this is to keep doing the things that help you normally (journal, talk to supportive people, etc) and during the time each week where you would normally see your counselor, spend time journaling it out as if you are in a session. I know that sounds weird, but our body and brain can get used to being in therapy at a certain time and day each week.. so if we still do therapeutic things at that time, it will feel better and like we are still in our routine :) xoxo I hope that helps!! xoox

Kati Morton

I swear, sometimes it doesn't post when I am on my cell :/ Thank you sooo much tho! I never once thought it was correlated to the PTSD. I see my social worker on the 3rd of January, let's hope I can get in before March after that appt, and I wil definetely tell her. Maybe it's something that we could work on when I see her next because I would like to sleep without fear. Thank you again! It helps tremendously!! Enjoy your vacation(:

Jennifer Hall

Thank you SO much Fiona :) Happy Holidays to you too!! xoxo

Kati Morton

Hey Amy :) Yes I am.. it's just taking FOREVER!! When I reached out to all of you, I was putting together my proposal.. then we have edited that about 1000 times, and my literary agent thinks we should have it out to publishing houses by the end of January! SO keep your fingers crossed.. cause this process is by far the slowest!! hah!! xoxo

Kati Morton

I hope my answer was helpful :) xoxo

Kati Morton

I talked about this in my livestream today!! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo

Kati Morton

I hope my answer was helpful :) xoxo

Kati Morton

Loved watching you live stream glad got to watch it all. Very interesting. Great to learn and hear about MH in a different way. As not always talked about over my end of the water. Not in the right ways anyways. Knowledge is powerful. Thanks for the work you do to give a new voice to MH. Happy to support. Glad to have came across you on YouTube not that long ago. Happy holidays to you and Sean (great work behind the scenes) 🙂

Fiona H

Hey Kati - are you still writing your book? The one where you had asked us to send in our stories to you?

Amy

This happens to me all the time! It is really frustrating. Sometimes I kind of know but need someone else to help me review and understand where it might be coming from. I have been told they can be triggered by unconscious signals (smells etc), or past beliefs you haven't quite gotten over.

Carys Lewington

Hey Kati! How does group DBT therapy work? xx

Siobhan

Hi Kati, My question is how do I cope with finding out someone I really care about has been diagnosed with a terminal illness? I have a friend who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and I don't really know what to do. Like I have avoided going into huge detail about her illness with her unless she brings it up partly because I think its good to have someone to talk to who is there to laugh with and just chat to without cancer being the main topic of conversation, but also I think I really don't want to know about it, because it makes it real and I can't deny its happening. Then there are times when I feel I have nearly accepted this is reality, but maybe I can try and fix it somehow, like I have found myself frantically searching online looking for a magical cure for her (like I'm going to find something some highly skilled doctor has missed!!!), I have found myself asking some higher power to let me take her place instead, let me die and let her stay with her family. Like I try really hard to be upbeat and strong for her, but in some weird way sometimes its like part of me has nearly started to grieve for her even though she is still here, is that even possible? I'm sorry, I know this probably sounds like a really selfish question, but I am finding it hard to cope with knowing that she isn't going to get better and that this horrible illness is going to take her life. I would really love your advice on this and sorry its so long, thank you SO much Kati, you are awesome. x

Emily

i was sexually abused as a child, but i keep trying to say it never happened when it did,i was told to keep quiet ,ive only just let it out into the open.but i have flash backs i can even feel the pain etc is this normal.

Carrie Pilkington

Hi Paige! Thanks for your input. I've tried looking it up but typically everywhere i find characterises ED as primarily a body image issue so I was wondering. I know my behaviours are directly linked to a toxic workplace (which I'm actively working to escape), so hopefully when i find another job it won't be an issue...

Mel

That should say "can" turn things around

Keely Pearmain

I feel so bad not being able to be on the live stream! I'm going to challenge myself to try and guest on Sunday.. I'm not sure how that's going to work 😕 but I'm going to try all the same. I've been looking into seeing a therapist privately and paying for it opposed to getting it free on the NHS. I've contacted someone and will have an assessment on the 5th Jan. I am genuinely scared but am going to send her an email before hand just highlighting some of the issues I'm having as I know that I'll just withdraw during the first session. It's going to cost the equivalent to $80 a session but I'm pretty much at breaking point now and need to stop moping and sort myself out. I'm also going to write as much down to kind of clear my head before going if it helps. Also I've been doing the positive self talk that you mentioned, the honesty is still a major issue but it's slowly getting easier to say good thing about myself even if I don't believe it all of the time atleast I'm able to say the words. I'm actually starting to think that I can't turn things around although I'm not quite there yet. I'm also going to try the doctors on Monday and get my meds changed because mirtazepine isn't helpful at all. Sorry this isn't really a question, more of an update really. Do you have any advice on seeing this new therapist? Obv my last one ended up ghosting on me, it took an awful lot for me to begin to trust her and then she eventually proved to me in the end that I was wrong to trust her in the first place, she hurt me like everyone else does. I'm so scared to trust this new one even though I know that I need to. Sorry it's so long winded, I hope you're all good x and hope to see you on Sunday ❤️❤️

Keely Pearmain

I am holding on to problems (S/H) because I am scared to be happy. The main reason is when I am happy things often go wrong, which causes problems. These don't happen when I am depressed because I can think through them in that state. I try and learn to think through things when I am happy too, but the thinking causes me to be depressed. I feel really stuck as to how to move forward from this. Any advice?

Carys Lewington

Thanks Kati!! Watched for a little bit at the airport...now boarding xx

Emily Menzies

Hey Kati, I've also got a second question - hope that's ok. I was wondering whether it's normal to not be able to explain an emotion. I've started to be so much better at being aware of, sitting with and even naming emotions. Lately, there're a few emotions that's popped up and I have no idea why and that's really frustrates me not knowing why..what're your thoughts on this? Thanks so much!! Xx

Tina

I don't really have any advice but I just read your story and my heart broke for you 💔 x x I just wanted to send a little love your way x x

Nicky Fitch

Hey Carrie, I'm not really keen on christmas this year either. But in the end it's only a couple of days and it'll be over sooner than we think. Take care!!

Jana S.

this year i cant do christmas no interest in it wish it would goaway im very anxious about it

Carrie Pilkington

Hey Kati, I actually got another question a little bit more related to christmas... How come I always feel really bad, when people are nice to me and try to make me happy. This is so inconvenient. Especially on christmas or on birthdays everyone just wants you to be happy, but if you just feel like crying when you get a present, because you feel so bad about it, this just always causes discontent and trouble and/or at least an awkward situation. How can I cope with that or maybe just actually be happy and grateful for the presents (that I actually like to the extent I’m able to care about things at the moment..) without feeling all these "expectations" and pressure attached to it? (I guess for me it's that I just don't feel like I deserve any of the gifts I get and I’m just scared I can’t "make up" for them.. I don’t know.. :/) Soo looking forward to your livestreams and thanks for everything you do! :) xxxxx Jana

Jana S.

Will try pop in and say hi don't know if I can manage but will see! Thanx for all the live streams and vids😘 so I had coffee this week and it made me completely high and lasted in my body for like 24hrs till it wore off, but at the first 12 hrs I was extremely overstimulated and had zero anxiety which was so strange to me, literally thought that my diagnosis is wrong and really I have bipolar and I should be on different combo of meds.. until I realised it must be the coffee. Anyhow it really triggered my ed, I had no appetite and now I want to have coffee just for that effect then I'm definitely not sleeping and all so my schedule is so fucked up that my parents forget to check my eating. Idk strange week...

Hailey

Hey Mel! Kati may chime in on this but I wanted to respond. In many ways eating disorders aren't about body image. Some people, like me, used it as something to control. Others use it to find perfection. Anyway, yes, but it is complex and something we cannot diagnose over the intewebz.

Paige Templeton

I should be there for both! Yay! Who needs to know about my eating disorder if I don't purge? Do my dentist and/or orthodontist need to know if I only restrict? Also how can I get past not feeling like my self-care and mental health are more important than others' convenience? I know taking care of myself should be my priority, but I always feel really guilty about putting myself first.

Melanie Paul

Hey Kati! :) I did ask this before, but as it is still quite important to me right now and your last answer unfortunately didn't help me with this, I hope you don't mind me trying again: How do I know what to look for in a therapist? (This is NOT concerning the type of therapy they offer, it's more about the therapeutic relationship and how I might be able to identify, if we "click" quickly within one or two sessions.) I really want to make the right choice this time and I want to be able to "click" with my new therapist, because I know how important the therapeutic relationship is. I've already seen two new therapists by now. One of them twice, because I did think she might be the right one, but the second session unfortunately didn't turn out as great as I hoped for and now I'm lost all over again. Could it be that I might expect too much from them? (sympathy, empathy, patience, clarity, structure, experience, knowledge, transparence,..) And if I actually do expect too much, how could I cope? And do you think it's a problem that I'm studying psychology and know quite a lot about therapy and everything from you (and from my studies) already? I feel like I'm questioning my therapists and their competence/methods like constantly and just can't "let go" and "let them just do their job" and "trust them", because I'm genuinely afraid, they might not be as competent as they should be. (I already did this with my first therapist before I was studying psychology or knowing you..). But I just had to break up the therapy with my ex therapist, because she seemingly wasn't competent enough. And know I feel like I've lost all trust in therapists alltogether (except you seemingly, but I'm only watching your videos/livestreams and don't sit down with you personally, so I don't know..). I'm just confused and feel pressured to decide soonish, because my insurence only covers five "probational sessions" to find a therapist that is right for me... So I just don't know what to do. Please give me some advice, Kati. I need you!! :/ And thank you so much for your last videos. I really love watching them and it is so great you're doing two livestreams this weekend. I'm soo looking forward to them. Watching your videos/livestreams is the best "reward" I can set out for myself, to motivate myself to get stuff done. Sooo looking forward to seeing you live tomorrow!! :D xxxx

Jana S.

Yay! I should be able to catch some of saturdays before I have to head to work :) #adulting ......I wanted to get your opinion on single parents struggling with mental health? How do we get over the fear of judgement? One of the major roadblocks for me when trying to force myself to go to the doctor is being that "perfect parent" it's a constant worry that people will think I'm not capable of looking after my child? I don't have any support or family and so I am her only influence, she is still so young but I'm not sure how much kids can pick up on things, how do we avoid too much exposure and prevent our children from heading down the same path as ourselves? Thanks so much xox

Rachel Rae

Hey Kati, I was wondering if it's possible to have an eating disorder without the negative body image attached? For example, my work has been very stressful lately, and I started skipping breaks. I could be working a 12 hour day and the first time I eat for the day will be when I get home at 9pm. At first it was just a mechanism to get 30min more work into the day, in the (false) hopes that it would mean 30min less the next day (ha!) But now it's progressed into an unwillingness to eat while I'm at work at all, even on less stressful days. I noticed this unwillingness a few weeks ago so I've tried forcing myself to eat lunch but all it does is make me feel horrendously nauseous. I have no issues at all eating on my days off, I eat appropriately at home, its just when I'm at work, which is unfortunately 60+hrs per week... hence the issue. I'm interested in any thoughts you have on the matter! Thanks Kati!

Mel

I have noticed that I have a pattern of thought like when I am driving to and from work that I think about things that really upset me and I can't seem to break the cycle do you have any suggestions on what might help

Jenny Hughes

Yay! Super stoked for this!!! My question is how do we get over the fear of sleeping? I feel like it's a loss of control and it freaks me out. I always fear I'm going to die in my sleep or not wake up, like my breathing will stop. I don't have anything wrong with my heart or breathing besides anxiety. Where does it this stem from and how can I overcome it?

Jennifer Hall

Yay will try to be on for Sunday! So excited! I have a question! This has been really confusing me - Why is it that I feel like I am perfectly ok the whole day but pretty much every single night these days, I retreat into my room and just break down?! This has been going on for a little while now...I've tried journaling about it but came up with nothing..what would be your suggestions? :) Thanks Kati! Xx

Tina

I'll be there for both!

Emily

Will be there for both if possible, so excited! Xx

Emily Bensaid

Aww fab! That's so exciting 🙄 thanks for the heads up!! X x My question is how to survive the Christmas and new year break without seeing my counsellor?! Xx hope your well x x

Nicky Fitch

I will miss the Friday one :( so Sunday would be awesome! 😘😘😘

Keely Pearmain