Dealing with insomnia/Overcoming Abusive Parents/Does Therapy Work?/Healing Family

1. Hi Kati, I was wondering if you could talk about how to deal with insomnia. I've always had a problem with it, and recently its gotten worse. I take melatonin and quetiapine (seroquel) as prescribed by my PCP, and I try to diffuse lavender and read before bed to try and make myself as tired as possible, but I keep finding myself having a hard time with sleep. I've talked about it with my therapist because I've had some super stressful things happen recently which are causing me to have awful dreams, and that's certainly not helping. I struggled greatly with this before my surgery because of having to physically get up every hour or so, but now that isn't the case. If you have any other tricks or tips to help with this I'd appreciate it!

2. After being made homeless, my dad (who abused me as a child) offered me to stay with him and his partner.(my dad came out as gay when I was 15) I'm still trying to come to terms with the past. I have moved in with him as I had nowhere to go and was desperate and I think that he has changed, he doesn't acknowledge what he has done in the past at all. I'm just a bit confused, With the bpd and everything I don't know whether me putting myself in this situation is self sabotage. Or whether I just want to forget everything and block it out, or if I'm just in denial. At the same time I am so scared that I'm going to start getting triggered and having flashbacks. I haven't yet, but I don't know whether I'm pushing myself too much. I just wanted to know your thoughts to be honest, i get on with my step dad really well and I don't see my dad as the person that he was back then as he has changed but I know what he did was wrong. I don't think that I'm scared of him anymore. I'm just a bit confused to be honest. 

3. I want to know if therapy doesn't always work? I was in therapy for years, worked on my stuff & then didn't feel the need to see anyone on a regular basis since maybe 2010. But for the past year I've been having flashbacks & nightmares. My CPN has suggested going back into therapy, but there are 2 issues with this. Firstly, all my previous issues have been put to bed so I don't understand the flashbacks & I don't want to go over old ground. Secondly, my CPN doesn't think I am "ready" for more therapy right now due to my 'poverty of speech' (although I'm not entirely sure what this means). So I'm feeling a wee bit stuck & that I've failed in some way by not managing to keep my shit together & not maintaining good mental health.

4. How to navigate very complicated family dynamics when the love is still there: My parents and myself, my mother and I especially, have a very complicated relationship (intense control issues), and finding balance is hard. While her intentions were always good, she strongly encouraged ED behaviors to further my athletic career, and as a result we had several years of turmoil, and I was left with very little support from family and naturally those ED behaviors only got worse. Over the years we've put a bandaid over the issues so to speak, and that's about as much validation as I expect to get from her. I should add that I'm still recovering from ED behavior so those old woulds for me seem very fresh. My question is this; how can you have a healthy resentment free relationship with someone who hurt you and won't fully acknowledge that hurt. Especially when your love for them is very much still there, so the thought of cutting them out of your life is painful? I love her dearly, but especially when I'm still struggling, it's hard not to her voice in my head encouraging me to do the unhealthy things I'm trying to fight against. Tiny add on mini question... is 30 ridiculously old to STILL be dealing with an eating disorder?! It really feels like it.