Powerful Negative Thoughts! / Suicidal Friend / Traveling for the Holidays
Added 2017-12-12 04:21:18 +0000 UTC1. I am beginning to learn more and more about how much trauma I experienced as a kid and how much it has affected my mindset as an adult. A lot of the messages like "no woman will ever love me" came from my mom or step mom as I grew up. I am now recognizing that most of my negative thought spirals come about after some sort of "trigger" followed by a flashback. I almost feel like I am a child physically, if that makes any sense. I feel myself transported back to being a kid and my instinct is to run and hide. I noticed during this time I have no filter on negative thoughts like "I am bad, no one loves me" etc. I have also noticed that many of these "triggers" are associated with the negative thoughts that are the most difficult to defuse. CBT seems to not help like it does for other less damaging thoughts. Is there a way to mitigate the power of these kinds of thoughts? I was also wondering how I can discuss what's going on here with friends and family, or if I should. I find my friends, particularly my female friends, seem to want to invalidate what I went through. As I come out of the negativity I am excited to share what I am learning, but find I am having to keep this to myself. I don't think their intention is to be dismissive, but that seems to be what happens. I have been wondering if this is a reflexive mom defense. It's easy to say my dad let me down, but I don't feel like I can express the same thing about my mom.
2. Hi Kati, thank you so much for all of your videos, you're the best! My question is, how do I accept that my suicidal friend is probably going to die? She's in an awful state, she no longer eats, she looks so unwell and she has completely withdrawn from everything. I've tried helping her but I have my own issues and I've had to detach myself from her (I followed your advice, not to set yourself on fire to keep others warm!) and I feel better but she's only gotten worse since I did this. I feel like I'm watching someone die and I just keep anticipating how guilty I'll feel when she kills herself. How do I accept that I can't help her and how do I stop feeling so bad about it?
Video on losing someone to suicide: https://youtu.be/Tj8DXLnURZE
3. I'm visiting my mum for Christmas (she lives overseas) and I am so anxious about flying! I don't even think it's the actual flying but just the whole process of getting to the airport and security and customs and everything. I have to take a four hour flight to Brisbane, Australia with a two hour layover and then another four hour flight from Brisbane to Honiara in the Soloman Islands. I have to do this all on my own as well and that's terrifying. It's not like I don't ever travel out of the country, I've done it lots of times but this is the second time I've traveled alone outside of the country. Do you have any suggestions of soothing my anxious mind and body? (I've already asked my mum to see if I can be seated next to a female just so I don't have to endure eight hours in a confined space next to a male.) I'm planning on bringing my "Sadness" plush toy from the movie Inside Out my therapist gave me but other than that I'm so stuck.
Comments
Oh cheers Millie! I'm not at all strong really. I just had to keep going to work. Ugghhh! :) It does get easier, it's still too sad but I can really recommend setting goals now. A job you want, the person you want to be, a TV show you want to watch. Big and little goals are what keeps us going. If you have an animal or six, that should help too. Just be EXTRA kind to yourself. It's hard. I have DND's (Do Nothing Days) where I just play video games and read and watch things. No pressure, maximum relief! I think you are remarkable for asking this question and being so caring and courageous. You do actually get stronger, I think that is true. It does take time, lots of time. No matter what happens with your friend, this is a traumatic experience and ought to be treated as such. I'm crossing everything for a good outcome, please get the help and support you need. What you've contributed on here is a wonderful thing. xoxoxoxoxoxo
BinsQ
2017-12-13 00:09:44 +0000 UTCHi BinsQ, this was my question and your comment honestly meant everything to me. I'm really sorry you had to experience all that but I'm so glad that you seem so much stronger because of it. You're obviously an amazing person and I'm so incredibly touched by your uplifting response, I hope I can return the favour sometime! xxxx
Millie
2017-12-12 21:07:34 +0000 UTCTo the wonderful person who believes they will lose their friend. I know all you feel. My best friend became so ill, incurable but not terminal and she told myself and her husband she just couldn't live with the pain and without a cure... well she'd made very careful plans (lawyers!). Euthanasia I call it. I miss her every second but I did all I could and so have you. I will always be deeply affected but I don't feel guilt and neither should you. It's NOT your choice. Even if the person who ends their life also has no choice (I honestly don't think my friend did), we can't stop it anymore than we can anticipate and prevent a terrible accident. I'm sending you love and PLEASE start talking about this so YOU are taken care of. Don't wait like I did. Some good has resulted in that I really started involving myself with Kati's channel and another channel in Australia. Get help now, know it's NOTHING to do with you and us Kinions are thinking of you. xoxoxoxo THANK YOU for such an amazing question and for having the courage to ask it.
BinsQ
2017-12-12 12:18:09 +0000 UTC
