Toxic Family Issues | Connecting with a Younger Self | Attachment w/Therapist | Intimacy & SPD

1. So my psychologist and I have been focusing on my family issues for a while now, my mum has multiple sclerosis and my dad is overworked and underpaid, they constantly manipulate me for money after years of emotional neglect. My mum got out of a mental health facility today after a 3 week stint and my dad flew home from a holiday in Bali, they invited me for dinner and after a lot of discussion with my therapist about an exit strategy she convinced me to go because ultimately my Mum is doing what I’ve been wanting and reaching out to me. When I got there they were at the pub, completely wasted. And when I called them to come home they did, but a fight broke out my dad threw his beer at the wall next to me and so I decided to leave, I had my dog with me and he was hiding under the table so as I tried to coax him out my Mum told me to give dad a break, I couldn’t hold my tears back as I told them how messed up I feel because my therapist pointed out that I resent my boyfriend because his family is normal and mine is so dysfunctional. My dad began to shout at me how he’s given me everything I’ve needed and to leave before I and I quote “before I make my mum try to kill herself again” and it broke me and I finally for the first time told them about my sexual abuse and blamed their lack of attention and love for the reason I subjected myself to that as an underage teen, I showed them my self harm scars and blamed them for all of it and left. My question is where would you suggest I go from here, my therapist is always pushing me to build a connection with them but it always ends in a fight, this being the worst ever, she says it’s because when she asks if I’d be okay to never talk to them again I can’t say yes. At the end of the day they’re my parents.. she mentions that I need to be clear in expressing my expectations as I struggle to make my needs heard, but I don’t think they’re listening. I’ve checked out your videos on toxic family already but yeah a little personalised insight might do me some good?

2. My question would be how do you get back to that person before the trauma affected your life? For instance, when I was 14, I was so excited and happy. But then at the age of 15, my life turned upside down. My therapist has told me I need to get back to that 15-year-old girl and show compassion. But how can I show compassion to that girl when I couldn't protect her so how can I protect her now? I blame myself for everything that took place when I was 15, and my therapists tell me it’s not my fault because I was a teenager! But now that I'm in my early thirties I'm too scared to bring her out because I feel like I don't deserve to be happy as much as I want to be happy. My eating disorder, self-injury, not sleeping, etc, is getting out of hand. My suicidal thoughts are increasing to the point where I tried last Saturday night. 

3. I thought I had a very healthy attachment to my therapist after we worked through my last one leaving without notice + her upcoming mat leave, but now that she is gone, I suddenly do not get to have ANY contact with her and it is making me think twice.  She said I can email updates if I want but she cannot respond to anything for liability reasons.  Though I understand the issue with her engaging while she is off, I can't help but feel like she doesn't even care, though she is supposed to be the person who I am securely attached to and safe with.  I am struggling now not to resent her for the detachment, and struggling to believe things can go back to normal when she returns if I feel like she doesn't even care about me.

4. I've made a lot of progress since migrating interstate for the winter. I've become what I believe you professionals call 'almost weight restored'. I'm going to go home looking a bit more like I did before the trauma crashed my system and the eating disorder crept in. There will be comments from the more blunt people that are going to be triggering. I thought of putting out a social media post saying "Don't tell me I look better, tell me I seem happier." I don't know if that would work but it's very much what I wish everyone would say. My family are great, my close friends are great but obviously I can't control everyone. I also don't want to stop eating because I've worked jolly hard to get to a better place. It's not perfect but it's worlds away from four years ago. How can I help people say the right things but not feel a bit like an overly politically correct jerk?

5. This is probably quite timely considering your newest video on grounding techniques, I'm aware you're not an expert but I just wanted to know if you had any advice on Sensory processing disorder and intimacy? I don't know if there is anything that make it any easier because I have a real aversion to being touched. I have never been comfortable enough to ask this before so apologies.

Sensory Processing Disorder: https://youtu.be/baO9vLlHh5s