Part 2! Here we go!

My computer overheated, so here's the second portion of the questions! xox

Questions answered:

1. 1 min: As you know, my life is (while it's warm) fairly idyllic. Last year the plan was to become a counsellor (I'm now at certificate level) but I have this opportunity for LIFE to be a curator of a private library and museum with free accommodation. It's the job I dreamed of before deciding to get into the mental health field. I'd love your advice on whether to take my paradise job on more of a full time basis and ditch the study or juggle the two. I have such a chance here to create the finest library/museum under private ownership in the Southern Hemisphere. It's big and VERY beautiful stuff. On the other hand, I'd love to help people. Maybe I still can by volunteering or using my basic qualification to co-run a local group as rural mental health is fairly poor as well we know. 
2. 4 min: I have an eating disorder as well as narcolepsy. The stimulant I take for the narcolepsy makes it much easier to restrict, and I recently started decreasing the dose and then increasing it again so that it is more effective at decreasing my appetite (drug holidays are actually encouraged to avoid tolerance). I don't know if I should tell my PCP or therapist this however, because I'm not over using it or anything. I know it's not good, but I'm too afraid to risk it being taken away, as my narcolepsy would then keep me from functioning, which I find worse. I want to at least talk to my therapist about it, but in Oregon mental health professional don't need an ROI to talk with PCPs. I want to work on the eating disorder but I can't work on anything if I lose that medication and end up falling asleep all the time and lose my job etc. as a result. Do you think I could explain this and my concerns to my therapist? Or would it only matter if I were medically unstable (which I'm not).
3. 6 mins: Last year I had a really hard time in January, February and March. In that 3 months I came down with a couple of illnesses, I started therapy, within 2 weeks after starting therapy I had my first (so far only) panic attack and then had a fairly big emotional breakdown in therapy. I don't know if there's really much of a question in here. I know if I talk through the events and do self care I'll feel better. I guess I just want reassurance that this is normal and I can get through this.
4. 7 mins: I've dealt with eczema on and off my whole life. I've never found out what causes it or how to make it go away. In the last few years I have been wondering if it could have anything to do with feelings because I noticed how it got a lot better or worse when certain things in my life changed. Also I feel like it's harder not to scratch when I'm upset about something. This Christmas I spent a few days at home with my family and although I really love them, I found them very hard to deal with. I was also extremely busy while I was there playing gigs and trying to fit in seeing friends etc so the whole experience was a bit stressful. After only one night I started to get eczema on my hands. But is it possible that this could be stress-related? Or would it take much longer before I noticed anything? Also I already had eczema when I was a baby and I couldn't really have been very stressed then, I guess. Is it possible I'm just making this up because it would be nice to know why I have this problem?
   I feel awkward about mentioning this to my therapist because it feels so attention-seeking  so it would be great to hear what you think. 
5. 10 mins I'm curious what your thoughts are regarding the causal (or root cause) links of depression and addiction to trauma, particularly early childhood and intergenerational trauma. I recall watching a video you did with a Somatic Experiencing therapist. Also wondering what your thoughts are on psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy (psilocybin, MDMA, ketamine etc) for healing that trauma and ultimately the higher level symptoms of depression/anxiety/hypervigilance.
6. 16 min September was so rough. i was severely depressed bc i recently lost one of the most important people in my life - nonna. i think i didn’t give myself enough time to grieve bc i didn’t want to admit she was gone. when i went to college everything was hitting me at once - grief plus “normal” adjusting as a freshman. it got to the point where i had panic attacks everyday, threw up before i had tests and while i was writing essays bc my anxiety was so high. but for calc i gave up. i’m like everyone is smarter than me so what’s the point in trying. when mid semester grades came out i had a whole F. it took me a while to drop the class bc i felt even more like a failure by dropping. i was wondering if you think it’s okay if i put on my transfer application that i had a hard time in the beginning and it was best that i dropped the class?? or how do you think i should word it?? or am i cheating and i shouldn’t say anything? also do you have tips on how i can prevent this from happening again?
7. 18:30 min I've been taught by my parents to hide my emotions and was yelled at for crying. Now as an adult, I can't allow myself to cry in front of my therapist because I've learned to associate crying in front of another person with being yelled at. I can cry when I'm alone no problem, however. My therapist and I have discussed what it would feel like to cry in front of her, how she would react, what would happen to me if I cried, etc to no avail. My therapist concluded that nothing she could say to me would help me - I just have to actually cry and undergo a corrective emotional experience. I intellectually know that it is safe to cry in front of my therapist and that she won't yell at me, but I've been classically conditioned to emotionally feel otherwise. Do you have any advice?
8. 23 mins Hey Kati, every time when I feel guilty or sad, I couldn’t apologize verbally. I could if it’s through a text. Also, when I feel hurt, I tend to put on a poker face and stopped talking. I feel like if I talked, my emotions will go out of control and I will end up crying. Why is this happening?
9. 24 mins Could you please explain what transactional analysis is in terms of therapy? I’ve seen it listed a few times now, but I’m not sure what it is. 
10. 26 mins My question is: how far would you let suicidal thoughts go? So if a person said to you that they have a lot of medication (not prescribed to them) or looked up timetables for freight trains in their area or they researched on the internet about how to die. If you keep playing it out in your head. How do you know when it’s too much as a therapist?
11. 28 mins I’ve been struggling with suicidal ideation, it was my question last month, and I’ve taken your suggestions on board. In therapy last week my psychologist said for what’s happening in my life she was glad to see I’m handling it well, I confessed that it was an act and I wasn’t doing well at all. In fact I was making suicidal plans. My question is, how do I stop myself from doing this again and not telling her? It’s not a normal behaviour for me to steal, or lie so morally I’m struggling with the thought, but the temptation is there. What would you suggest I could do to counter the temptation?
12. 30 mins Hey! I have a busy next couple months with my book coming out in June (June 22!) and I'm just wondering if you had any tips on productivity/motivation to be productive/not procrastinating? I often have no problem starting to be productive but I find myself not being able to STAY productive as time goes on.
13. 31 mins. My question is a bit hard to formulate. How do you deal with intrusive memories that triggers other memories? It’s like the Inside out analogy you use. Adult memories of rape triggers childhood memories of sexual assault, which in turn triggers more memories. All the memories are just part of events. With this I am experiencing more memories that I did not remember. It’s a huge roller coaster. I am trying distraction strategies, it it’s difficult because it’s usually part of dreams.
14. 33 mins My question is, I may sound a little naïve and ignorant, but do people who suffer with bpd still get married and have kids and have a life? Is it something one grows out of? I’m just a person going through a tough time desperately needing some reassurance for my future. I really want a “future” and hope my mental illness doesn’t get in my way completely. 
15. 35 mins Can people who are diagnosed with chronic PTSD develop behaviors and reactions to stimuli that mimic those of people who are on the autism spectrum? I have recently discovered that I have a lot of autistic tendencies - that sensory processing and executive functioning difficulties cause me a lot of distress and impact my ability to work and enjoy free time. I struggle to remember things because my brain is constantly overwhelmed with information that I can’t seem to separate, filter, and define without serious mental fatigue on my part. Social cues are confusing (when is it my turn to talk? And why doesn’t everyone ALWAYS want to talk about psychology?) and I feel deeply “othered” - I don’t feel that I connect easily with people. I prefer to be by myself, or only with two specific people.These are all experiences that I’ve seen reflected in the autism community (I’ve been doing my research). I have also seen them reflected, at times, in others with trauma in their background. Since my trauma started in early childhood and continued all throughout my upbringing, I can’t tell if I’ve grown into the person I am, with these particular struggles, because I was inherently autistic or because of the trauma I experienced. It might be both. I’m just wondering if I’m on to something here or if I’m overthinking.
16. 38 mins I find myself relapsing into anorexia. I feel apathetic about recovery. I know that I have to be the one to step up, make the changes, but a big part of me doesn't want to. Anorexia has taken over half of my life, so this should be enough to spur me on? I am taking medication regularly, (which is definitely helpful) I see a therapist weekly, I have just started seeing a dietitian again, and I have a supportive Church family. I have all the support I need. But for some reason I feel like I don't care, and I should just let things continue to slip further and further. I guess my question is, how can I overcome this apathy for recovery? Anorexia seems like a part of my identity, as well as depression and anxiety, but I know my identity doesn't just revolve around those things. I know recovery needs to come from me, I just don't know how to get past this block I have probably created for myself. I am upset with myself. And I am a little scared about what might be to come. Continuing to suppress my emotions that need so desperately to come out seems to be fueling this anxiety I have around food. I'm so sorry this is a long and rambling question. It is so hard to concentrate in this fog.
17. 41:30 Laughter. Is it the best medicine? I have been noticing recently that I have been smiling and sometimes laughing during therapy when discussing difficult things. Right now, I am a ball of suppressed emotion. I guess it's easier to laugh than cry, especially when crying has so many negative feelings surrounding it. My question is, do you have any advice on how I can get past this? I'm being open in therapy, but the emotions I portray do no match the words that I am saying. It is so painful to feel.
18. 43 mins I need some public speaking advice. I have major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder, amongst other things. On January 13th, I have been asked to share a mini-testimony (3-5 mins) to all three of my church services, as part of a service dedicated to the group I help lead, Celebrate Recovery. There will be over 200 people at each service. I will be writing a script, sharing it with my therapist and practising it whilst videoing myself, to see what I do when speaking. I am terrified. This is so not my thing. But I want to do it because if I can reach just one person and encourage them to get help, it’s worth it. Any tips are welcome.
19. 45 mins Finding hope when you've just had terrible gut and heart-wrenching news. How do I do that? Today, I was suddenly terminated from my nanny job. I have worked for them for over two years, since before one of the boys was born. They told me half an hour before I was due to leave for the day, when the boys were napping. There was no opportunity to say goodbye. I love these boys with all my heart. I fear the transition with a stranger will be very difficult for them next week. I feel very sad, and very angry. They gave me some BS answer about why they were letting me go. I guess I don't need to go into much more detail. I have to somehow pick myself up and keep moving forward. I am currently experiencing a lapse in anorexia, and I am worried this may get out of control now. I am unable to legally work for anyone else right now for a few more months, due to immigration applications, so this is a huge strain. How do people keep going when it feels like it's just so much being thrown in their direction?