Victor Revisions 4/28/22

Hi all, just absorbing some feedback and trying to make Victor seem a little less "passive" about his situation.

2. Status

“After we eat, we get yard time?” Victor felt like he was in a prison VR. Now, he just had to keep his eyes open for some loose bricks or a guard who slipped away to be with his girlfriend, and then he could make a break for it. Yeah, right. He was mostly joking, but he did intend to try to get out of this place the first chance he got.

4. The Rusty Nail

When they crossed through a rather busy square that reminded Victor of a swap meet, something startling happened. A few spots ahead of Victor, one of the other prisoners grunted loudly and hunched over, his broad, musclebound red shoulders flexing with strain, and then he was suddenly sprinting away from the line. Victor saw his ripped belt fall to the cobbles, but as soon as he realized what had even happened, Ponda lept through the air, trails of wispy orange smoke in his wake, and smashed down atop the fleeing prisoner. Victor heard the snap of bones and winced. Ponda lifted the large prisoner with one hand, gripping him by the back of the neck, and dragged him back to the line. The man thrashed and cried out, clearly in pain, but Ponda strode doggedly along as if he were hauling a misbehaving toddler. Ponda produced a pair of iron manacles, hooked one to the man’s wrist and another to the cable connecting all the other prisoners, and said, “Thanks for letting us know you need a collar. Don’t try that again.”

“Poor asshole,” Victor said.

“Yeah, he’ll be stuck now; they’ll collar him or put a mark on him like me,” Yrella replied.

6. Afterparty

He glanced around the big exercise hall and noticed that, while they were being given some liberties, Yund was careful not to let his guard down—he had Ponda sitting on a stool next to the big open doors, and Victor could see a couple more of his lackeys lurking around outside. One of them was smoking something from a pipe, but they looked very alert. Not for the first time, Victor studied the walls, looking for another way out of the place, a way he could slip through some boards or anything. There was no way he meant to spend the rest of his life in this shit hole, but he couldn’t see an easy way out. He took a big gulp of his drink while trying to imagine a way past Ponda.

15. Contract

“I won’t. You know, I don’t know a single person in this world.” Victor would have said anything at that moment to try to reassure Yund; if he were going to make a break from this place, he absolutely didn’t want a collar or one of those tattoo things. So far he hadn’t seen his moment, his chance to run for it, but he knew sooner or later they’d let their guard down at the wrong moment, and then he’d fucking be gone. No goddamn way was he going to spend five years in this place!

19. Private Party

“No, you won’t be alone! Everyone here is going, except Urt and me, I guess. Ponda will be there, and he won’t let anyone mess with you. Well, outside your fight at least.” He reached out and held out a fist to her. After a moment, she scrunched up her knuckles and knocked them against his. “That’s the spirit. You’re going to do fine - Yund will put you with someone you can beat; I’m sure of it.” Victor felt a little bad because, in the back of his mind, he was thinking that his little field trip with Urt might be a perfect opportunity to make a break for it. Urt wasn’t as strong or as smart as Ponda, and they’d be away from Yund and all his other lackeys. He couldn’t think of a better opportunity.