Adjustments - Chapter 1

“Don’t change anything on my account. Just go about your day,” Keira had said. “I’ll just be writing and reading the entire time, you don’t even need to cook or clean. It’s so nice of you to let me stay, and I don’t want to put you out. Either of you.”

And Ana had grinned. She had lifted her hand to her mouth and looked at the ground as color surged into her cheeks. There was something in that smile, something hidden beneath the surface. That’s when Kiera should have known: right when Ana grinned at her, as though she had just unwittingly ordered an adorable mitten at a sophisticated restaurant by trying to speak the native language. Kiera saw the grin, that sign, that secret langauge that she and her friend had been speaking in since they met in the 4th grade, and she should have understood…

Yet somehow, here she is.

Keira is thinking about this as she looks out the window of the bullet train, watching the mountains rise and fall behind evergreens pointing at an overcast sky. It’s early morning – very early morning, and Keira has a to-go coffee cup on her lap that’s nearly empty. She considers going to the cafeteria car for another, but she’s already feeling jittery and more caffeine isn’t going to help. Instead, she tries to distract herself by taking her manuscript out of the satchel by her ankles. As she does, she pulls the loose strands of her dark hair behind her ear and ponders her tongue, sinking lower into the seat. The papers are joined by a single black clip, and the title page reads “CONVERSION,” a working title.

This is the second manuscript Keira has ever held in her hands like this. It’s a complete story, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Not anywhere close to finished, of course – that’s why she needs this year-end trip into the middle of nowhere. Editing has never been her strongsuit: she starts stories like nobody else, but finishing them and finalizing them, well, that’s another matter entirely. If she’s going to have a completed novel by the deadline her publisher has set, she’s going to need silence, isolation. The type you can only get in a cabin out in the woods.

Which is why Ana extended the invitation.

Or, more accurately, it’s why Keira went lookingfor an invite.

Because that’s the real truth. Keira had to ask Ana, her closest friend, if she could spend a few nights at her new lodging in upstate Pennsylvania. She knew about the place in Sheerway Falls, so she asked Ana if she and Max were going to be up there for the holidays. Of course Ana said they were (they just moved in, after all). Kiera had nodded nonchalantly, flipping her book to the next page. “That’s nice,” she’d said, as though she’d only been asking out of a passing curiousity.

Then, a few minutes later, she told Ana about Dean.

And really, what could Ana say then?
 Guilt. That’s part of why she’s feeling so uneasy. Of course, Ana would never tell her she was unwelcome. With a January 4th deadline fast approaching, no apartment to go back to, and a recent break-up on her mind, Kiera was the ultimate charity case. Ana didn’t even have to think twice before telling Kiera she could spend the two weeks at Sheerway Falls in the guest loft. She’d assured her that she wouldn’t be in the way, that she would make their vacation even more enjoyable, and for the next few days she made sure to text an excited countdown to Kiera after work:

TGIF – 1 more week until we’re at the cabin!

Uggggggh my 7th graders are so checked out, and I am too – 3 days until the cabin!

Can you believe it?!?!?! Tomorrow we’ll be at the cabin!

And yet, as she polishes off the last sweet sip of her cinnamon latte and sees the Sheerway Heights station approaching, Keira knows deep down that she’s taking advantage. After all, Ana just got married (that’s why she isn’t reupping her lease – without Ana as her roommate, there’s no way she can afford a place in the North End). Ana is Mrs. Max Dolovan now, and although the yearly trip Sheerway Heights cabin isn’t a honeymoon, it might as well be. So Kiera is crashing a romantic gettaway – and why? Because she got dumped? Because she spent so many nights eating ice cream from the carton and watching reruns on TV Land that she had to ask her editer for an extension?

Guilt. Guilt, guilt, guilt. She feels pathetic. She’s a nuisance, an unnecessary a third wheel.

Never according to Ana, though. If Kiera ever expressed any reluctance about staying for the entire time, Ana immediately dismissed it. She struck down all of Kiera’s excuses, all of her half-hearted attempts to back out of infringing on the newlyweds time.

“You would do the same for me,” Ana said.

Which, at least, is true.

But it isn’t all guilt that’s creating this fluttering sensation in her stomach.

Kiera crosses and uncrosses her legs, then finally stands as the train lurches to a halt. A voice over the loudspeaker announces that they’ve reached the final stop, and every seat is empty as she makes her way through the aisle, past the attendant who nods at her briskly as she descends. The wind kisses her face and rustles her hair. She squints against the coldness of the air, standing still to admire the panoramic view of the pine forest below, a deep and regal green against a backdrop of black, snow-capped mountains and bright white clouds. For a few moments, she waits there on the platform, playing with the strap of her computer bag and watching the skyline.

It’s beautiful here. This will be the perfectplace to finish the book.

Absolutely perfect.

Before she can help it, a smile spreads across her face. She’s a pretty picture, standing there in a long peacoat with strands of her raven-black hair whipping around in the breeze, smiling with her dark eyes narrowed, her cheeks rosey, the end of her nose turning pink from the chill. Kiera inherited her mom’s soft pale features, high cheekbones, and petit frame, but her dark eyebrows and hair are from her dad’s side; they give her a severe sort of beauty, especially when she’s angry and her small nose flares, her dark brown eyes fiery. Now, her expression is calm. Peaceful. She feels at ease, more at ease than she has since she moved to the city, and she starts to wonder if maybe all of the talk about fresh air that she once thought was nonsense is actually true.

Then she checks the time on a green clock with Roman Numerals above the station archway and her smile flickers, then dies.

Max said her cab would be waiting for her at 9am– and it’s already 9:14!

So, brushing her hair from her face and pulling her coat tighter around her narrow waist, Kiera strides into the station and takes the steps two at a time. Her satchel bounces against her hip as she goes, and the people in the terminal turn to look at her as she passes.

Sheerway Falls is a sleepy township in the mountains, and no one out here is ever in much of a hurry. It’s so unusual that some of the locals audible laugh as she rushes by, her flats clacking on the smooth tile. Kiera feels silly rushing to the patiently waiting cab, even as she throws open the door and apologizes, out of breath.

“So, so sorry about that, I didn’t realize the train was running late,” she says, panting.

The ruddy-faced driver looks at her in the rearview and smiles good naturedly. “Don’t worry about it! That train’s never on time.”

“Really?”

“Oh, sure. Especially not the holiday schedule. Not your fault.”

She thanks him and rubs her hands on her thighs to warm them. She pulls her wallet from her bag and starts counting out dollar bills for a large tip.

But there’s a reason she panicked when she thought that her cab might leave without her, and it has nothing to do with the gratuity. After what Kiera learned about Max and Ana the other night…well, that’s the other reason she can’t sit still, aside from the guilt.

I could use a drink, she thinks, and it’s not even noon.

And what would Max say about that?

“He does what?”

“Shh!” A crimson glow blossomed on Ana’s cheeks as she waved her arms to make Kiera quiet down. They were seated at a restaurant booth, their favorite booth, on the second to last Saturday before break -- just six days before Kiera would be boarding the pre-dawn train to Sheerway Falls. Ana had asked her to meet there, and Kiera had sensed a note of urgency in what would otherwise have been a normal breakfast of piled-high waffles at the Tick Tock Diner. No one seemed to notice her outburst, but when Ana resumed the conversation, she did so with her voice at a whisper, leaning over her steaming coffee with her face half-hidden by a carafe of golden syrup. “Try not to tell the whole world, will you?”

“I-I’m sorry, I just…I think I misheard you. I could have sworn you just told me that, when you break rules around your house, Max –“ She leans forward far enough that her face feels the wet heat rising from Ana’s coffee, too. “well, that Max spanks you.”

And Ana looked down at her fluffy yellow waffles, her face blushing even darker, the faintest trace of a sheepish smile pulling at her lips.

“No!” Kiera had said in disbelief. “No way!”

“Listen, I just – I just wanted you to know. For when you’re staying with us, just in case.”

Kiera’s dropped her fork, and it clattered to the ground. Ana winced, covering her eyes, as Kiera scrambled to grab the utensil from the floor.

She puts the fork down and sighs, trying to collect herself.

“You’re saying…while I’m at the house, he might – you might – it might“

Ana shrugs, trying to sound indifferent. “It might. Doesn’t always, but…you know.” She shrugs again, and the color in her cheeks rises more. “Sometimes I mess up.”

Kiera laughs aloud. She can’t help it.

Ana’s blush darkens, but she grins in spite of her embarassment, biting her lip.

She can’t help it, either.

“How did this happen?” Kiera asks. “You’ve been married for nearly a year! And he’s been --” she lowers her voice to say the word “– spanking you since the wedding?”

“Well…” Ana begins. She trails off.

Kiera’s eyes go wide. “You did this before?’

“Let me explain, will you?”

“Oh, Ana-banana,” Kiera says, invoking the pet name she’s had for her best friend since they were nine years old, as she so often does when Ana has somehow surprised her after years of being close. “I’m not sure anyexplanation is going to make this make sense.”

To her credit, Kiera listened. And Ana only stopped once when the waitress was at the table refilling Kiera’s coffee. They both watched (Kiera stifling a giggle) and waited as the waitress poured and took their empty plates. And Kiera was right: it didn’t make sense.

But by the end of their breakfast, she at least understood.

As it turned out, Ana and Max had been keeping the domestic discipline aspect of their relationship a secret since they’d started dating in college. Ana explained that, when she met Max in her sophomore year, she’d been a bit wild: too much drinking, partying, skipping classes, et cetera. College stuff. Max gave her a choice: either she would get herself together, or he would help. And he’d warned her that his way of helping would not be easy.

She didn’t pay much mind. In fact, she thought it was sweet that he cared so much about her failing grades and her weekend hangovers. For a while, she improved, simply because she liked him and she wanted him to stay.

Then, one day in the second semester of their junior year, she backslid: she lost her phone at a party, and Max worried sick trying to call her. When, at last, she ran into him, she was staggering drunk, hiccuping and about to pass out. He apparently told her that night what she was in for the next morning… she didn’t remember it.

But Max did.

The next day, she woke up in his dorm room and he explained to her – very calmly, very patiently – that her behavior was unacceptable. That if she wanted to continue to be in a relationship with him, she would need to be accountable for her actions.

That he would make her accountable.

So, she would be taking down her pajamas, climbing over his lap, and receiving a spanking.

At first, she hadn’t believed him. She’d thought it was some crazy joke, and she even tried to walk out into the kitchen to make their breakfast, but he had then warned her that his dormmates would be back soon, and that if she walked out of his room, he would have no choice but to make her spanking a public affair. He seemed serious. Very serious.

The prospect of having his roommates see her in her candy-striped underwear was enough to make her start taking the idea seriously too. She let him close the door and lead her back to the chair he’d set out in the center of the room.

He sat down and patted his lap.

She needn’t have worried about his roommates seeing her panties, though, because those came off too. Before she even new it, she was over his lap with her backside completely exposed, naked from the waist down except for her socks. They hadn’t even made it that far together, yet, physically, so all the while she was worrying about how she looked down there whether he would still be attracted to her after he was done punishing her like a child.

Clearly, she needn’t have worried about that either.

It hurt. God, did it hurt. Her bare bottom had never felt such heat, such incredible, searing pain. The stinging was so bad she had to bite down on her fingers to keep from crying out loud enough for her neighbors to hear, for the entire dorm to hear, and even despite her best efforts she’s pretty confident his roommates suspected. They probably figured that something was up when she didn’t want to sit down with them for Chinese food. She’d once thought being hungover sucked – being hungover with a sore butt was a new level of suck. Later in the day, Max brought her some lotion that helped soothe the burning, but when she inspected herself in the mirror that night before bed, her derriere was still solidly red. As red as crisp New England apples in the spring. She slept on her stomach that night, and the next morning her 8am class was an ordealto get through.

But, of course, she went. She didn’t want to risk Max finding out that she’d started skipping again, risking another trip over his lap.

Max and Ana had a conversation the next day: a heart-to-heart. Max explained that he came from a strict upbringing, and he believed in being responsible, in consequences. He told Ana that he really liked her – that he was starting to love her – but that if she didn’t want that sort of relationship, they could end things right there.

“And the rest,” Ana had said, “is history.”

For a long while, after Ana finished her story, Kiera sat in silence, processing. She hadn’t gone to the same college as Ana, but she knew Max from the very beginning, from long-distance phone calls and, eventually, from double-dates over the break. The whole time…the whole time!... this had been going on, and she never knew. Granted, she’d never spent a full vacation with them together. She’d visited their house many times, but only once had she ever spent the night.

“The whole time,” she had said beneath her breath.

Then Ana had rested her hand on Kiera’s, and Kiera had looked up to see her best friend giving her a meaningful look. A look that said I know it’s weird, but look – I’m happy! And Kiera felt her own face softening into a smile. If this was what Ana wanted…what did it matter to her?

“Alright,” she had said. “Alright. It’s weird – really weird,” she emphasized.

Ana laughed good-naturedly.

“But look, I meant what I said. It’s your house, and it’s your vacation. I won’t be in the way.” Then, unable to help herself, she spears the final piece of her waffle, and as she’s bringing it to her mouth, quips, “It’s your ass, not mine!”

Ana laughed at that. A good-natured laugh. And then she thanked her. “I’m not saying it happens all the time but, like – if it does, don’t freak out.”

Keira let her shoulders drop. She looks deeply into Ana’s pretty face, framed by strawberry blonde hair, a smattering of just-barely visible freckles across her nose. “You must really like him,” she says.

Ana shrugged, then lifted her coffee to her lips. “He’s my husband.”

He’s my husband.

Those words are echoing in her brain as the gravel crunches beneath the tires of the cab as it pulls through the dark and dripping forest until the spectacular housefront of the cabin breaks into view, the white light pouring down on it through a clearing in the evergreens. It’s a log cabin, which Ana had mentioned, but it’s even larger than she’d expressed. The main roof is shaped like an arrow head with large, magnificent windows that face out towards the distant mountains, and a cylindrical chimney with white smoke drifting into the sky. The deck has an intricately hand-made porch swing, and there is a cedar fence surrounding the property line.

She spies, through a pair of moss-laden fir trees, a figure moving in the green. Broad shoulders, a dark woolen beanie, strong strides – she can tell it’s Max, even though she can’t see his face. He’s set a log on it’s end to split with a large mawl that he holds in his left hand. He turns, spies her car approaching, and watches as the cab rounds the final corner to the parking lot at the side of the house.

She can’t tell if he can see her through the windows. After her car passes, he turns back to his work, swinging the mawl high and bringing it down. Even with the windows up, she can hear the distant thwuk!of the firewood splitting in two.

Kiera breathes in deeply as the car comes to a stop in a gravel drive. The cabbie turns to face her.

“Need any help with bags?”

She smiles. “I’m okay.” She pats her satchel. “This is the only one.”

“Not staying long?”

“I’m staying for two weeks – my friend brought my clothes for me. She used to be my roommate.”

“Ah, I see,” he says. “Well, that’s good. It’d be a shame to leave this place so soon – it’s beautiful here.” He looks around with a deep appreciation at the dark forest surrounding them, and at the clearings where the sunlight breaks through the trees.

Kiera smiles and agrees with him. It is beautiful out here. Even more beautiful than she’d expected. And she had expected beauty.

What she does not expect – could never have expected, no matter how her friend warned her – is waiting for her just beyond the front door.