King of the Goblins 2—Chapter 38

It was late in the afternoon so the shadow stone wasn’t perfect camouflage. If anyone had looked, they would have seen a shimmering ripple of light walking across the clearing. Fortunately there were no trolls around. They tended to congregate closer to the main gate.

I hurried across the clearing and ran for the wall, one hand on the hilt of my sword and the other tightly clutching a coiled length of rope. One of the soldiers had that, and it was going to come in quite handy. 

A loop had already been tied at one end, I twirled it around a few times, then threw it at the top of the log wall and promptly missed. I was grateful that the shadow stone extended to things I touched, otherwise everyone would have seen that their king sucked at throwing. It took me a full dozen tries, but I finally managed to get the loop around the tip of one of the logs. After a hard tug to set the rope, I began to climb.

I had never gone rock climbing or rappelling before, so it wasn’t something I was used to. Climbing the wall wasn’t particularly hard, but it had that feeling of one slip meaning my death, or at least broken legs. The wall was about thirty feet at its highest. Quite a fall.

I reached the top and grabbed on, then pulled myself up. Glancing over my shoulder, I looked back to where my party was waiting. Since I knew where they were, I was able to spot Silvy. She was watching me. Well, even with the shadow stone I was sitting on top of the wall. Quite the target.

I pulled the rope up after me, then tossed it down the inside of the wall and began to descend. I kept my grip firm and moved quickly, although not so much that I burned my palms.

After dropping onto the ground, I crouched in the shadow of the wall and looked around. King Jack’s palace stood right in front of me. Beyond that I could see parts of the city—mostly smaller houses, at least smaller on a troll scale. 

Moving as quietly as possible, I crept around the side of his palace. A massive troll warrior stood guard in front of the palace. In his hands was a spear the size of a fence post. That was something I wanted to avoid at all costs.

I backed up until I came to a window. Fortunately the trolls hadn’t figured out glass yet, so the window was little more than a framed opening in the wall. I grabbed the sill and pulled myself up so I could see inside.

It was hard to describe. Made of stone and wood, the place had clearly been built in an attempt to be grandiose and, well, palace-like. It was immediately obvious that whoever built it had no clue what that meant. It was basically a very large three-story house with tall ceilings. 

I pulled myself the rest of the way up and rolled through the window into the room. It looked like some kind of receiving room—several chairs along the walls and little else.

I silently thanked every god in existence that none of the doors were locked as I pushed one open and continued through the house. It was a bit of a maze, albeit a simple one. The layout just plain didn’t make sense. I found myself going the wrong way several times and had to backtrack. 

Finally, I found the stairs. I waited at the foot of the stairs for a moment, listening for any signs that someone might be up there. Hearing nothing, I climbed to the second floor.

That was much like the first. Bedrooms, crude bathrooms that needed to be cleaned, a kitchen, and a layout that didn’t make sense. I did find a weapons rack against one wall, and took a moment admiring it. An absolutely vicious-looking spiked mace rested in the rack along with a sword that curved the wrong way. Next to it all was a helmet.

The helmet was mostly steel, with plenty of leather padding for comfort and a better fit. Horns rose from the side, like bull horns, or more accurately demon horns. A row of spikes ran down the center of the helmet to the back. With the leather on the inside it actually looked comfortable, although all those spikes couldn’t make it particularly feasible to wear in combat. That must have been King Jack’s helmet.

I looked around the second floor until I found the next set of stairs. Knowing I was getting close, I moved slowly, trying to keep my footsteps as silent as possible. When I reached the top of the stairs I looked around but saw nothing. A massive bedroom was to my left, so I peeked in there.

And that’s when I heard him.

From the first syllable that came out of his mouth, he sounded like an asshole. His voice was low and gruff, and I wanted to clear my throat when I heard him speak. It sounded like he was just muttering angrily at something.

I walked through the bedroom, noting the massive bed. It was damn near big enough for a troll. Ugh, I didn’t want to think about that.

I wanted to face him, not kill him as a shadow, so I spat the shadow stone out and put it back into my pocket. That was more dangerous, but it was how I wanted to do things.

Across the room a door stood open, and through that door I got my first glimpse of King Jack. He wore his spiked armor that I had heard so much about, and it was indeed spiked. His breastplate had a row of spikes on each shoulder, and more stuck out from his elbows. Not enough that he risked stabbing himself, but if anyone tried to grab him they’d regret it.

He stood on a balcony with his hands resting on the railing, looking over the troll city. I caught more than one curse word, but couldn’t quite make out what he was talking about. It just sounded like angry grumbling.

The floor chose that moment to creak.

Jack turned around, anger clear on his face. “I fucking told you—” He stopped when he saw me.

We stared at each other for a brief moment, and then he snatched a dagger from his belt. He drew his arm back and hurled it towards me, so fortunately I had a few seconds’ warning. I moved to the side and the dagger passed right through where my chest had been and slammed into the wall. 

Jack’s face darkened with anger and I felt him pull magic into himself. I did the same, and all but stopped his heart. His face bulged and he fell to his knees, clutching at his chest.

“Get in here,” I said, pointing to the bed. “Get in here and sit down.”

He glared at me for a moment, but eventually moved. He couldn’t walk, so he crawled to the bed and pulled himself up.

“What the fuck are you doing to me?” he asked.

“Making sure you listen,” I said.

He finished climbing onto the bed and sat down, facing me. 

King Jack was a middle-aged man with a shaved head and a beard. He didn’t look any older than mid-thirties, but his beard had streaks of gray in it. He was a tall man, easily over six feet, and solidly built. His face had the raised cheekbones and flattened nose of someone that had been in too many fights.

“What do you want?” he asked in a growl.

“First, to talk,” I said calmly.

He scoffed, then looked me up and down. “You look like a fucking fairy,” he said. “What the hell are you even wearing?”

I looked down at my shirt and vest. “Elven clothes.” I had grown rather used to them and thought they were pretty stylish, considering the time.

“Fuckin’ elves. I hate those pricks,” he said. “Buncha nancy boys. At least the women are hot though. I need to get me some of them.”

“Are you American?” I asked. I didn’t hear any accent, although the language spell generally got rid of accents.

“Yeah. You?” he said.

I nodded. “Cleveland.”

He gave me a flat look. “You have got to be fucking kidding me. You’re from Cleveland, too?” He wiped his hand across his head and laughed. “Man, who would have thought that? Two fuckers from Cleveland find themselves as kings in a different world.”

“Yeah, but that’s where our similarities end,” I said. “I treat my people well. I try to ensure they have a good future and that my kids will grow up in a better world than I did. You, on the other hand, sent your warriors to kill my people and kidnap my women.”

“Your kids,” he sneered. “At least you’ll have fucking kids! Look at where I am, asshole. Do you see any hot women around? All I get to fuck are these troll bitches. I’ve gotten used to it but I deserve better!”

“Huh,” I said. “Well, they do have big asses.”

“They like ‘em played with, too,” Jack said. “But no, I don’t want anymore fucking trolls. They smell like shit and they’re ugly. I want elven women, goblin women! I want thirty wives and sixty kids.”

“So you sent your soldiers to kidnap our women,” I said. “Well, that makes more sense. Look, I’m sorry you’ve been clapping troll cheeks but what you did is unforgivable. You tried to kill my people.”

“So, why the fuck are you here?” he asked. I could tell he was growing impatient. 

“I’m here to kill you,” I said simply.

He laughed at that, the way a man would laugh at a child that tried to attack him. “You really think you can do that?”

“Do you really think you can stop me?” I asked, slowing his heartbeat even further.

He gasped and glared at me. “Okay, point taken. “I’ll leave your fucking people alone and get orc wives instead.”

“No, you won’t, Jack,” I said. “I’m going to kill you after what you tried to do to my people. There is no way to escape it.”

He glared at me for several minutes before speaking again. “Can you at least tell me what happened? How we got here?”

“Well, the black hole destroyed Earth,” I said, and he nodded impatiently. “As for me, there was a goblin woman that prayed for a hundred years, asking her gods to send her someone to overthrow their tyrannical king. I believe she also prayed for someone to love her. I imagine someone did the same here.”

“That damn witch-woman,” he muttered. He looked up at me, his face sallow with blood loss. “She found me the moment I arrived and used magic on me so I could understand the troll language. A few times she mentioned something about me being the answer to her prayers.”

“Has she shared your bed?” I asked.

“Yeah, more than most,” he replied. “She’s cleaner than the other trolls so I don’t mind so much. Tits bigger than my head, so I guess it ain’t all that bad.”

“Well, she probably asked her gods for someone to be sent to her,” I said. “And unfortunately, they sent an asshole like you.”

He grunted. “I am what I am, you fucking son of a bitch. Our world made me. My mother was a whore and my father spent more time in prison than out. Honestly, I’m surprised I turned out as good as I did.”

“You could have made this place better, so that no children would have to grow up like you did,” I said. “Instead, you terrorized them and drove them to attack your neighbors. How many children have you left fatherless?”

“Dozens,” he replied. “Maybe a hundred. Bah, I don’t give a shit about those stupid fucking kids. I want my own, god dammit.”

“Say your last words,” I said. I was tired of hearing him talk. Nothing but hatred and anger would come from his mouth.

King Jack thought for a moment, then looked up at me. “You said you’re doing things differently, right?”

“Yeah. I treat my people well. My children will grow up in peace.”

He nodded. “Good. Don’t ever let any of them turn out like me.”

And with that, I stopped his heart. It still took some time to kill a man that way, so I pulled all the blood from his brain as well. Within seconds he fell back on the bed, limp. He died shortly after.

King Jack was no more.