(Female-only Version) Jamie Gets Even: A What Would You Do? Story (Part 2)

I've written several What Would You Do tribute stories, envisioning a spinoff where a wilder version of the show somehow finds its way to late night TV. This is the latest installment!

After the show went to break, stagehands worked quickly to free the girls from their devices. They came armed with towels, which was especially helpful for Chelsea, who kept trying and failing to get her tube top to stay on while inside the chocolate vat. It was just too slippery and wouldn’t stay up.

The ladies were taken to the showers backstage, and Jamie got to change out of his jockstrap and back into his street clothes. He was allowed to keep the jockstrap. He quickly threw it in the trash, where it would join whatever was left of his friendship with Chelsea. It was worth it, he thought.

During the break, Marc caught a lady in the crowd laughing hysterically about all that had happened. He found it amusing but kind of over the top, and wasn’t about to let her get away with it. He conferred with a producer offstage. There was a lot of head nodding.

The show came back from commercial and Marc became his typical cheery self, as if he hadn’t just sentenced two mostly innocent people to devastating public humiliations just minutes earlier.

“We’re back on What Would You Do, and we had so much fun during our last game. But I’ll tell you what” – he started to amble up the stairs into the audience – “not nearly as fun as this young lady here.

“Hi, what’s your name?”

She seems taken aback by being called out, and looks very apprehensive to having been cornered.

“I’m Coryn, hi…”

“Hi Coryn, who are you with today?”

“Um, this is my friend, Kendall.” She points to the woman seated to her right.

“Great!” Marc exclaims. “Well, why don’t the two of you join me onstage, yeah?”

The audience applauds. This cannot be good, and both of them know it. Kendall looks especially frightened, as she’s being roped into something she had nothing to do with whatsoever. Nevertheless, the two twentysomethings reluctantly join Marc on stage, where the stools, carts, and buckets are all still set up, though most of the pie mess all over the stage has been cleaned up.

Coryn is a gorgeous redhead with shoulder-length auburn hair. Today, she’s doing her best ginger Barbie impression, with a checkered pink-and-white bikini top and matching glossy pink leggings, which are struggling to contain Coryn’s surprisingly massive ass. If she’s not genetically gifted, then she’s been putting in lots of work at the gym.

Kendall is Coryn’s childhood friend, and she’s visiting from Nashville, where she’s a cheerleader for the Tennessee Titans and a fitness instructor on the side. She’s a tall, leggy blonde, wearing a cross around her neck, a sky blue sports bra with the Titans logo emblazoned on it and cerulean blue tights.

Marc explains why he brought them on stage. “So I spotted you during the commercial break, Coryn, and you were just laughing, laughing, laughing … that last game was pretty funny, huh?”

Coryn is still giggling. She kind of covers her mouth with the back of her wrist. “Yeah, it kinda was, haha…”

“Well, since you found it so hysterical, we’re gonna have you two play the same game, what do you think about that?”

The crowd raises its collective voice in anticipation. Are more people about to get it?!

Kendall is technically in her work uniform and really would rather not be put on TV playing a silly game that was rigged when it was played 10 minutes ago. “Can we not, please? We’re sorry, it was an overreaction!”

“Naw, I’m sorry Kendall, this is happening, whether you like it or not.

“So here’s how it works. The two of you are going to play as one team. Kendall, you’ll put the pies on the stool, and Coryn, you’ll sit on them and move them to the buckets across the stage.

“You’ll have the same 45 seconds as last time, except since Jamie was able to transfer three pies, you have to get four.”

The two women throw their hands up in disbelief, and the crowd murmurs. This will be a real challenge for them.

“But listen. There was nothing but bragging rights on the line last time. So if you win, we’ve got a wonderful, very clean prize pack for the two of you that you’re really going to enjoy. But if you lose, we’ve got a different prize pack for the two of you, and I can assure you, it will definitely NOT be clean. Any questions?”

“Seriously, can we please not do this?” Coryn pleads. “We’ll do anything…”

“Okay, sure!” Marc says sarcastically. “If you like, we can skip the whole thing and just send you to one of our lovely pie devices for you to experience, would that be better?”

Both girls vehemently decline.

“In that case, let’s get you set. 45 seconds!”

“On your mark! Get set! GO!”

Cheers erupt as upbeat music plays. Kendall sets down a pie and Coryn tentatively plants her meaty butt in it. She never fully sits down, really only letting her butt kiss the pie before lifting up and starting to go. The pie lifts off the seat but only makes it a few inches before splattering at Coryn’s feet.

“SIT ON IT!” Kendall commands. She’s not going down on account of a halfhearted effort like this from Coryn.

Kendall places another pie on the seat. This time, Coryn squashes it, sending cream deep into her pink tights and causing her to squeal just like Chelsea did. She stands up and penguin walks across the stage, making it almost halfway before the pie slides right off and hits the floor.

Exasperated, she comes back and tries again. Valuable seconds tick away as her ass flattens another pie. This one sticks and Coryn tiptoes her way across the stage to drop it in. She’s incredibly embarrassed to be doing this, but tries to keep her composure and avoid an ending that would be even worse. She returns to the stool where she drops anchor into the next pie.

This one sticks as well, and she feels like she’s getting the hang of it. She makes it to the buckets and shimmies the plate in, right as Marc shouts.

“20 SECONDS!”

Coryn picks up the pace, now running back to the stool where she plops herself down onto the next one. This time though, she sits too vigorously, and slides off the stool and onto her butt on the stage floor. She wants to laugh at herself, but with time running low, Kendall urges her to hurry.

Coryn gets back to her feet. Kendall places another pie down, and notices a lot of cream building up on Coryn’s backside. Kendall takes it upon herself to run her hand across Coryn’s ass. The cameras all too eagerly catch it: friend grabs handfuls of friend’s shapely butt.

But Coryn isn’t expecting this, so she starts to sit, and Kendall can’t get her hand out of the way. Coryn sits half on the pie and half on her friend’s hand. The pie won’t stick!

Kendall tosses the pie aside, grabs another one and this time lets Coryn do the work herself. She has the hang of this sit-and-trot thing, but time is running dangerously low. She drops the third plate in the bucket when she hears the audience counting the time off.

FIVE! FOUR!

She sprints back as quickly as she can.

TWO!

PLOONK! One last smoosh of ass into gooey pie.

BUZZ!

“That’s it!” Marc shouts. “Time’s up!”

The crowd is buzzing in anticipation. Both women slump their shoulders. They know they’ve only got three pies in the bucket, and now they’re probably going to pay dearly for it.

“Well, by my count, you’ve got three pies, and that’s just not enough, so Robin, I’m gonna need more pies, bring me more pies please!”

Robin wheels out even more pies – it’s like a conveyor belt back there – and is met with even louder cheers. The girls eye them with trepidation. They know those pies are about to be splattered all over their faces and bodies.

Marc turns his attention toward the audience.

“Can I get a couple of volunteers? Who would love a chance to pie these lovely young ladies?”

Unsurprisingly, tons of hands go up. Being in a party town, there are so many smoking hot guys and girls in the crowd, but Marc is looking for a different type. He loves the idea of ordinary guys getting revenge on pretty girls who would otherwise never give them the time of day. He picks out two young dudes, probably no more than a year or two out of college. One is very skinny and awkward-seeming – a paralegal-type – and the other is taller and heavier and is wearing glasses. They join Marc and the girls up front.

“Can you introduce yourselves?”

“I’m Ethan,” says the slender guy.

“David,” says the taller guy.

“Great, and have either of you met Kendall or Coryn before?”

They nod no.

“Well,” Marc says, “In that case, you’re about to get very well acquainted. Robin, let’s give these guys a couple of pies each.

“And gentlemen, on the count of three, I want you to show these ladies what happens if you make a scene in our audience. I need you to really let ‘em have it, okay?”

They both nod in agreement and approach their targets: Ethan eyeing Coryn, and David measuring up Kendall. In no situation would Coryn or Kendall probably ever give Ethan and David any attention whatsoever. No situation except for this one.

Coryn is visibly frightened about getting pied. She shifts from one foot to the other, lets out tiny yelps, and runs her fingers through her long auburn hair. Meanwhile, Kendall pleads with David, her palms out, her head shaking side to side, as if to say please, don’t do this to me.

“On the count of three!”

ONE! TWO! THREE!

THOONK-THOONK! Coryn and Kendall’s worlds get absolutely rocked. Their muffled screams echo throughout their studio, and their hair flies in all directions from the sheer force of the hits. Blueberry pie filling, pie crust and Cool Whip spray out toward the audience, but the girls get the worst of it. The men swirl the pies around their faces, their hair getting tangled worse and worse with every revolution, until the pies get forced up into their hair, where they come to rest atop the girls’ heads.

Coryn is frozen in stunned shock, while Kendall claws at her once luscious blonde hair to try and get as much slop out of it as she can. Sticky blueberry filling tumbles down both women’s bodies as the sound of a crying baby plays in the studio, making a mockery of them once more.

Then, both guys put a hand on their lady’s hip and spin her around so their asses face the cameras. The cameras zoom straight into their targets, and the boys do not miss.

There’s an audible THUNK as Ethan plows Coryn’s big butt, sending butterscotch pudding and whipped cream deep into the pink fabric of her pants.

David does the same, bracing himself with one hand on Kendall’s firm stomach before slamming his vanilla pudding and cream pie right into his target: Kendall ass and her deep blue leggings.

Both women squeal. The guys rub the pies around their butts like they did with the pies to their faces, before finally letting them go. David takes his now-empty pie tin and gives Kendall’s ass a couple of love taps before dropping it on the ground.

The audience is eating all of this up. So much carnage in just a few short minutes.

But Marc isn’t done with them. Coryn was the primary offender, and he wants her to know it.

“Now Coryn,” he says, “Since it was you that found the last game so hysterical, you know what we would find hysterical?”

“Please don’t,” Coryn pleads.

“Take off those pants, will you please?”

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! she wails off-mic as the punk song “Take It Off” blares once more over the loudspeakers. The crowd eggs her on until she finally relents. Her thumbs hook around her pie-splattered pink Barbie leggings, and pulls them down until her legs are totally free of them. She feels a coolness around her legs that drives home the point that she is now half naked. The audience is treated to a view of a light pink polka dotted thong underneath. Coryn really went all out with the Barbie look today.

Marc is taken aback. “Wow, Coryn. Why didn’t you tell us you were wearing basically nothing underneath? You know what, can I have another pie please?”

“Seriously, just stop with the pies!” Coryn shouts. Marc is on a roll now, as Robin hands it to him.

“Now Kendall, I want you to take this.

“Coryn roped you into this, and that was really unfair. And she lost the game! And now look at you, all covered in pie! On the count of three, why don’t you tell her how you feel about all that?”

Kendall takes the pie and sizes up her target: her best friend’s huge butt cheeks.

ONE! TWO! THREE!

Kendall rears back and gives Coryn a devastating pie spanking. Her butt cheeks visibly ripple out from the hit, as strawberries and whipped cream shoot every which way. Red syrup and strawberry chunks come flooding out of the bottom of the pie, which Kendall makes sure to rub firmly and sensually all over her friend’s basically bare ass. She pulls the pie tin away to reveal a slurry of red and white, just before giving Coryn’s rear end one final smack for good measure.

Marc walks between the two of them and nudges them forward to face the cameras.

“Well, that was just delightful,” Marc says, as the girls turn their heads toward him. Both of them continue to claw at their faces and their hair, trying to pull as much pie mess off themselves as they can.

“But I don’t think that was enough. You know what would be even more delightful for you two?”

A pregnant pause as the tension in the room suddenly rises. Marc points at each of them individually as he sentences them to their final punishments.

“Coryn, YOU’RE going to the Pie Slide, and Kendall, you’re going to the Pie Coaster!”

The crowd is absolutely eating this up. Kendall is heard shouting, “I don’t like rollercoasters!” But her pleading falls on deaf ears. Robin and Marci emerge to escort the two to their torture devices. Each of them climbs a ladder to their respective seats: Coryn to a simple padded seat with a backrest, Kendall to a more ornate gaming-style chair with armrests that she gets secured into at the wrists and the waist.

Marc goes over to get rid of Coryn first. She’s about 10 feet above the stage floor, looking down a long straight track into a massive cream pie, complete with a small red ball in the center: the cherry on top. Written on the giant pie itself, in bold, blue lettering, are the words FINISH HER.

Two cannons are positioned about halfway down the track, one on each side, aimed at the spot where her face will be. She knows she’s about to get shot with something, then get her body dumped in the pie; she just prays whatever gets blasted in her face isn’t rank.

The next thing Coryn knows, she hears the audience counting.

ONE! TWO! THREE!

Her seat starts to roll down the track, slowly at first, then picking up speed. She sees the giant pie and its mocking message rapidly getting closer, getting bigger, and then it’s lights out as the cream guns shoot their contents directly in her face: a double blast of even more chocolate syrup. It blows her auburn hair back, coats her already pie-covered face, and immediately destroys her pink and white bikini top.

Coryn is stunned, but only long enough to hear a CLANK as the chair reaches the end of the line. She feels weightless, but only for a second, a barely-there bikini top and a pink thong all that’s protecting her from the–

SPLAT! Another corny sound effect plays as Coryn belly flops into the massive pie, her screams silenced the moment she hits the cold cream. She hits it so hard that she practically disappears under the surface. Her body slams through the blue frosting letters and churns up globs of whipped cream. Then, also something totally new: the cream is only the topping for a base of chocolate pudding, which Coryn’s body sinks into and which joins the Cool Whip in spraying out of the pool.

As with every other victim of the Pie Slide, when her body comes to rest, the only thing anyone can see is her well-toned ass, still covered with Cool Whip and little specks of strawberries.

Coryn truly has been finished.

With her ears plugged shut with pie filling, Coryn really prefers just laying face down in here for the rest of her life, but slowly she musters the courage to lift herself up and show her face.

Like every other person on this show whose body has ever been violently tossed into slop — or had slop violently tossed onto them – Coryn emerges a blubbering mess, her body smothered in black and white, her mouth wide open with pie dribbling out. A camera zooms directly in on her messy bare butt, and it slowly sinks into the pie as she repositions herself to take a seat.

She can hardly hear the ovation she’s receiving, but as she claws the pudding and pie out of her eyes, she sees a camera right in her face, capturing the complete humiliation of this moment. Coryn runs her hands down her body, trying to clear pie off of herself, and the cameras catch this sensual moment too. She quickly realizes that the cream is actually covering her up, and it’s better off if she just leaves it on her body.

Anyway, Marc has turned his attention to Kendall, who has seen three different people get absolutely destroyed in pie devices, and is now facing an extreme punishment of her own.

The Pie Coaster was perhaps the least messy device on the original What Would You Do, but in this iteration, like many of the other devices, it has been improved to maximize the victim’s “experience”:

• The bumper car that afforded contestants protection has been replaced with a gaming-style padded chair, leaving the victim completely exposed
• The helmet-with-visor has been replaced with absolutely nothing
• The original pie, which was fake but for a small “window” with cream in it, has been expanded to allow the victim’s entire body to get smothered
• Like the Pie Slide, cream guns have been set up along the track, this time between the two paper barriers that the victim rips through
• The larger-than-life pie that the victim slams into is rigged with two traps on the other side, each one set to release sequentially when jostled (i.e., as soon as Kendall smashes through the pie)

Kendall can’t see the cream guns or the booby traps on the other side of the pie, but having just seen what happened to Coryn, she knows she’s about to get it good.

10 feet down on the ground, Marc chides her for her line of work. “This is what happens when you’re a Tennessee Titans fan on this show. On the count of three!”

ONE! TWO! THREE!

Kendall shivers in terror as the Pie Coaster rumbles forward and descends down the first hill. She tears through the first paper barrier as the crowd yells “WHAT WOULD!” At that exact moment, the cream guns come into view and blast her with (what else?) more chocolate syrup. Kendall squeals as her hair gets blasted, her face gets smothered and her Titans-branded sports bra gets soaked.

Just then, she rips through the second paper barrier. “YOU DO!” shouts the audience, and as she opens her eyes, she sees it coming frighteningly fast: the giant pie. CLOONK! is the sound as her entire body plows straight through the massive dessert.

Her all-blue outfit is ruined instantly, the pie cream penetrating the fabric and turning it an ugly shade of off-white. First, her legs, the cerulean yoga pants turning into the blue and mostly white of her alma mater, the University of Kentucky. Next, her breasts, cream forcing its way inside her sky blue sports bra and between her boobs. Then, her pretty face, dolled up during football season, a warm, welcoming sight at the reception desk of her fitness studio, now reduced to a featureless mound of white. And finally, her blonde hair, her favorite part of her body, clobbered with blueberry pie, pummeled with chocolate syrup, and now smothered with whipped cream.

Like everyone else, Kendall is in stunned shock. Her seat climbs a steep slope to stop her momentum, and with her body in a prone position at a 90-degree angle, the first of the two booby traps releases.

She doesn’t even have time to brace herself before a full-sized vanilla buttercream sheet cake, decorated with a red bullseye, flies down from the heavens and smashes straight down onto Kendall’s body. The cake is frosted to do maximum damage, and it does just that: it explodes all over her face, chest and torso the moment she reaches the apex of the slope.

OHHHH moans the crowd.

Her mouth drops wide open for what seems like the hundredth time. She rolls backwards through the tin side of the pie, climbs up the track on the other side, before once again moving forward through it and getting another face full of pie. With her momentum slowing, she reverses back through and takes a third creamy facial before finally coming to a complete stop on the tin side of the pie. Chunks of cake and globs of whipped cream slide off her body and onto the floor.

But just when Kendall thinks her horror ride is over, the second trap releases: it’s a pair of 5 gallon buckets. They dump their payloads all over her, showering her from her head to her knees in a deluge of goopy green slime.

She yelps one last time. Her ordeal is finally over, but she's a wreck from head to toe. Her hair: destroyed. Her face: pummeled. Her sports bra: smothered under a cavalcade of colors from pie, cake, chocolate, and slime, none of them light blue. Her blue tights: pie remnants caked onto the butt, and now completely ruined in the front.

Marc takes one last chance to drive in the knife even further.

“So Kendall, tell me. Did you enjoy that?”

There’s a long pause. Kendall is gasping for air after her surprise caking, then her surprise sliming. Not to mention getting rammed through a giant pie three times.

After what feels like forever, she wails, “Nooo-huh-oooo!”

The crying baby sound effect plays again.

Beneath all the muck covering her face and her ears — her entire body, really — Kendall hears Marc asking for one final round of applause. She thinks she hears him mocking her and Coryn one last time, but it doesn’t matter at this point.

When she sat in the waiting area, she saw the Wall of Shame, and saw Jamie on it. Then she saw Jamie clean, in real life. How happy she was to see Jamie experience joy, even if it came at the expense of his ex-girlfriend. She seemed to have it coming anyway.

But now, all Kendall and Coryn could hope for is that same sympathy from the audience. The same audience that cheered when they got their asses spanked by two guys they’d never met. The same audience that wanted to see their bodies get thrown into and smashed through ridiculously large pies.

Do the viewers at home look at her the same way? As a piece of meat? What would her coworkers think? Will her personal life be ruined the same way her face and body was today? The same way Jamie’s was?

This is the new What Would You Do. Ratings through the roof. Entertaining as hell. As long as you’re not the unlucky one getting picked to play.