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Chapter 194: Cultivating Jealousy

Several days later, Kai returned from his monster hunting expedition. That meant he and Nirka were back together, which should have annoyed Zae Zin Nim, but to her surprise Kai didn't spend much time with the other woman. Instead after he got cleaned up, he asked Orillia to set up a meal for just the three of them.

While the old woman was there, they talked about their strategy in a limited sense. Orillia had apparently developed a fondness for Gundle and Yurwa and spoke of reforming the acid pits, as if this could be solved by simple disagreements. But her estate served as their base of operations, her money purchased healing pills for the workers, and the support of the Crystallier Cooperative was essential. They had to play at reform for a while longer.

After Orillia left the two of them remained, talking like they used to when they traveled alone together. For a while they discussed strategy, but the conversation soon became more personal. Kai had eaten new monsters - she was the only one he could tell - and he was honestly interested in her development. When it came to advanced matters like the Coldfire Corona, he was one of the few who could really understand.

As a whole, the meal was a reminder of how much she enjoyed spending time with Kai. Whatever else had happened, they were still allies. She left the meal and returned in a positive mood, feeling as though she had set petty feelings behind her.

Then, that night, she discovered that her new room put her close to the one where Kai and Nirka slept. Or didn't sleep.

When she first heard what the two of them were doing, she lay in horror, trying not to think about it. She wasn't completely naive about sex, but she associated it with long theatrical wails. Nirka's moans were completely different. In fact, the way it sounded like she was enjoying herself made Zae Zin Nim wonder if any of the previous noises she'd heard had been authentic.

She set her jaw and told herself that she was an adult and she didn't care. But when it all continued she rolled over onto her side and wrapped her pillow around her head. How long was this going to go on, anyway? Weren't these things supposed to end eventually?

Even though she was trying to ignore it, her thoughts were perversely turning her focus toward her hearing. Before she could restrain herself, her qi-enhanced ears picked up far too many of Nirka's gasps and moans. She could even hear the mattress shifting and the bed frame creaking. She couldn't hear much from Kai except maybe a grunt that sounded very similar to his grunts during training, which didn't seem right.

Zae Zin Nim told herself she would just outlast it with willpower, and that was a mistake. With every second her thoughts turned darker and increasingly violent.

Her own mother had told her about life in the patriarch's harem, constantly vying for favor with the other wives. She had been trying to protect her daughter and yet she had only created an immense disgust for everything involved. The way they all squabbled, sabotaged one another's cultivation, even tried to poison one another, all for her father's approval. It was tragic and infuriating all at once.

And yet those lessons could potentially serve her. Nirka wasn't so strong, and still very vulnerable. An accident would be entirely believable.

The thoughts slipped away, replaced by a different sort of shame and then a deep emptiness that left Zae Zin Nim far beyond embarrassment. Was her progress all that stood between her and those harem women, vulnerable to collapsing at any moment and leaving her no different? The very idea disgusted her and yet now, in the darkness, it seemed hard to deny.

All of it flowed into her worst fears for Kai. She wanted him to become powerful, not only because he was her ally but because she cared about his future. And yet she could imagine a terrible future in which he was an unequaled Sky Soul, seduced by all the trappings of power. The idea of him becoming like her father, the patriarch of yet another sect, instead of the man she cared about...

No more. Zae Zin Nim pulled on her cloak and left the building, refusing to follow those thoughts any further or listen to anything whatsoever.

Instead of using the crystal ship, she traveled through Yulthens on foot, floating from rooftop to rooftop. She had no particular destination in mind, she was simply enjoying the night time air, but she found herself wandering toward the wealthiest sections of the city. This was a different sort of decadence and maybe she could shed her thoughts there.

Even at this time of night, merchants were engaging in their own battles. She meandered between them, not aiming for anything in particular. They were moving more qi crystals than she had seen in the past: unlike in the mines or pits, these were locked into matrices that kept them in multiples of ten. Not many had items from Cloudspire, which made her again grateful that she had managed to throw off her father's pursuit for the near future.

Before she could go far, she noticed a figure watching her. Boreas of Kartiis had his eyes fixed on her and she noticed for the first time that his irises were almost completely clear with an odd shine to them. When he saw her looking back his lips split to reveal those crystal teeth.

Yet this meeting was different from before. Zae Zin Nim had continued advancing and now she was stronger than some of the Diamond Crystalliers, even by raw Power rating. When she approached, Boreas gave her an almost respectful nod.

"Nice night." His voice was shockingly deep.

"I was just taking a walk," she said, not sure if she needed an excuse.

"I believe you. It didn't look like you were paying much attention to the business." He looked over at her thoughtfully. "Most cultivators I've met don't like me. They say my power came from a few coins."

"So did theirs, most of the time."

"Huh."

They stood in silence for a while, watching the merchants scurry among their goods. There were a dozen little wars going on and Zae Zin Nim had neither the expertise nor the energy to figure out any of them. To her surprise, Boreas spoke up next.

"You might have made the right choice, staying out of it."

"Staying out?" she asked. "No one was inviting me."

"They will, once things get rough." Boreas ran his tongue across his teeth, which shone particularly brightly. "It looks like Suortril and Riuklina will actually have it out. Real war between new money and the nobles. They've raised the ratio to fifty Eagles per crystal getting ready to fight each other."

"I didn't know. I guess I really have stayed out of it." Zae Zin Nim knew that her allies would want that information, but at the moment she couldn't bring herself to care. That apathy actually seemed to draw more out of him.

"Do they have owned cultivators, where you come from? People who are so powerful they can't leave their patrons?"

"I haven't seen it. If someone becomes that powerful, they usually kill their masters and take over."

"Huh."

Zae Zin Nim looked over at him curiously. "You're strong and you're independent. What's stopping you?"

"You get embedded enough in a system, you start to depend on it." Boreas gestured over the stacks of gleaming crystals. "I could go anywhere in Krysal and be the strongest, but I want more. I'm not a slave of the merchants, I'm slaved to the engine they drive. Even if I took over an entire mine, it would take me a decade to take everything myself. I need the whole system feeding me to advance."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"No reason. You looked lost. I was tired."

"Hmm." She remained silent for a time, wondering how she should feel. Before she could decide, or come up with a question that might gain more information for them, Boreas pushed himself off the crate he'd been leaning on and started to move away.

"If I was you, I'd get out," he said over his shoulder. "This is just going to get worse."

Then he left her there, in the night with no answers.


Comments

God, it's like every aspect of human relationships has been twisted by ZZN's upbringing. Did she even have any real friends or were they all opportunistic bastards who were simply waiting to sabotage her? She didn't have the luck of having a decent father, and it looks like she at least had a decent mother, but she was raised in an indecent and decadent environment that showed her the worst sides of sex, romance, and her fellow woman. Cloudspire has distorted any form of love she could find for herself. I felt so much for her when she faced her darkest sides, and couldn't even deny them. A part of me wanted to say she would never truly mean to hurt Nirka, but deep down, I knew just as she did that she definitely considered it, even if only for a moment. She'd been forced to be violent her entire life just to survive. Of course she considered it. And she was barely given any genuine relationships, what else did she have? I just want her to confide in Kai, not because I want them to be together, and I definitely do, but because I want her to stop carrying everything alone. Kai will listen to her, and I'm sure she knows that. Boreas was a surprise. I expected him to be just another proud diamond crystallier based on his introduction, but he's more complex than I thought. I love how much I immediately know about him just from a few lines. That scene was written beautifully. He's a calm man who doesn't seem reckless, has the weary air of someone who's had a lot of experience, and is a walking contradiction - he doesn't like Krysal's systems, but knows it's the one thing fueling his strength. Under different circumstances, I feel like he doesn't have to be Kai and ZZN's enemy even if civil war breaks out, and perhaps his regretful demeanor is a hint that he can still choose to stay neutral. But honestly, I think this short interaction seals the deal. He's going to fight to preserve Krysal's systems because it's all he has. It's a shame, but it's what I expected deep down. His concern for ZZN's involvement in the upcoming conflicts feels twofold - he's genuinely concerned because he knows how deadly and cutthroat it's going to be, but he's also pushing a powerful person away so he has less competition to worry about when the dust settles.

AnythingAtAll

I wanted to make a joke here about "training grunts", but this is too raw. The unwilling voyeurism wasn't even the worst of it. ZZN just came face to face with who she really is, and few things are more painful than viewing one's own character with clear eyes. I'm glad she chose to cease entertaining those miserable lines of thought. This could be a catalyst for positive change in her.

Arramos


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