The Knightly Elven… Spider? Chapter 1 (wip)
Added 2021-07-28 03:00:39 +0000 UTCI'd like to know if this feels like a proper introductory chapter after the prologue for the character and events that happen before reincarnation. Please let me know how this feels in the comments.
If there is anything missing, by all means, call it out so I can make this better :D
Comments
I;m going to try something in an hour or so
Faragi
2021-07-28 19:54:43 +0000 UTCHmm I want her to make the decision for herself but the diologue can get changed easily
Faragi
2021-07-28 17:32:48 +0000 UTCI was thinking back on it, from the MC's attitude in the prologue, first the last action of catching the death blow for the dad should be proof of the fact that their actions stem from dedication and not cowardice, the fact that these two gods ignore that put them in the disfunctionnal stupidity category for me honestly. it would make more sense that the MC would call the beast god out on the difference between a warrior and a Knight. The sheer dedication to their mission and vows, and all that being insulted to their face? Yeah it would make more sense for them to call out something along the line of :" that's why warriors are unreliable selfish glory seeking curs, you can't even fathom putting your mission above your petty need for Glory and would rather have me die a useless death beside my brothers than to try to make our sacrifice successful to my last!" That could lead to the MC getting punched and flying through the portal rather than trying to sneak away, which would make more sense at that point
Virnor
2021-07-28 16:51:40 +0000 UTCUnless that's the goal, rage against the gods, a crusade to destroy them
Virnor
2021-07-28 09:49:40 +0000 UTCStill who and why gets stupid over it might need some tweaks. Because a warrior god not getting a mortally wounded and disarmed knight using their last breath to become the last wall? That's beyond stupid.
Virnor
2021-07-28 09:48:02 +0000 UTCAnd that's true as well....
Faragi
2021-07-28 07:03:27 +0000 UTCBut I am not complaining about a plot but share my impression of characters. In perfect world with ideal gods not much happens after all.
Дмитрий Лагода
2021-07-28 06:59:47 +0000 UTCthats true... hmmm. Might look into changing it a bit
Faragi
2021-07-28 06:56:47 +0000 UTCWhile it’s true about OPINION, their conclusions come from either lack of understanding of situation, blind and rigid belief of what others should do regardless of their situation or both. And for those who should supervise the world it’s a critical blow to their competence. It can be justified for mortal individual but with ever changing world those constant supervisors should be more flexible.
Дмитрий Лагода
2021-07-28 06:55:51 +0000 UTCI also don't think it's a matter of IQ per se, more of a matter of OPINION
Faragi
2021-07-28 06:25:34 +0000 UTCthat does appear to be somewhat of a point, yes. this is why it's still WIP. I'd like to know what would be a better fit.
Faragi
2021-07-28 06:25:15 +0000 UTCSo far seems interesting. Regardless of iq of local deities.
Дмитрий Лагода
2021-07-28 06:24:30 +0000 UTCI just hope people who enjoy Elania will also enjoy this story. I feel like I may need to change things up a bit in order to keep things interesting for me as well. :(
Faragi
2021-07-28 04:08:19 +0000 UTCWell, giving the content of prologue, I can understand why this world is so... unfriendly. Gods are morons.
Дмитрий Лагода
2021-07-28 04:06:16 +0000 UTC
