The Package (Short Story)

It feels good to post a new short story on here.

“It’s only for four months,” Theo told me when he was leaving. “You know I can’t pass up this opportunity, Felix.”

I wanted to argue then, I wanted to scream that he didn’t need to go, but I couldn’t argue the fact. A chance to work in that lab was definitely something he couldn’t pass up. We’d been over this before, and it was my anxiety that was talking now. Theo had spent years on his doctorate, and with the opportunity to travel to the leading university in his field because they wanted him there for the spring semester, who was I to tell him no?

“It’s okay, we’ll talk often,” he added, and reached out to touch the side of my muzzle. I knew he could smell my worry. I swear it was tickling the inside of my muzzle, but somehow you don’t notice your own scent.

I nodded. We were on the east coast because my doctorate had brought us here. I also was doing my postdoc here, after I graduated a year ago. Theo had only applied to the city university because it was the only game in town. We’d wanted to go out west together, but it hadn’t worked out, so here we were, two wolves working hard to achieve their dreams. I had landed in a prestigious department, and Theo, well he had to make an opportunity for himself. To his credit, my better half had, and now that opportunity was calling him away.

“I understand,” I whispered. My ears lowered, and he put his paws on both sides of my muzzle and tilted it up so he could lick my nose. While I had a typical gray and yellow pelt, Theo had a black one barely tinged with any white. That and the fact he was just a little taller than me had drawn me to him way back in undergrad.

“Four months, and I can get what I need to finish my degree. Then, when I graduate, you should be finishing up your postdoc, and we’ll find a university that wants us both.” He smiled then, to reassure me, giving his tail a soft wag.

“I’m still not sure what I’m going to do with a computer science and history PhD,” I responded. “There’s plenty of history majors, and only a few biomechanical engineers with your specialty.”

“See, this is where you’re letting your depression get you, and you’re falling back on that. You’re still a good coder, so you could go into industry. Anyway, the field is still developing.”

Even with my worry, I could feel my tail thump. It at least could be enthusiastic, even though I felt like a wreck. Damn I hated how well he knew me.

“I know,” I said again. I took in a deep breath and blinked. “You’ll miss your flight if you stay any longer.”

Theo’s ears flicked back, and he nodded. “You be strong for me, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” I replied.

Theo nodded and wanted to say something else, but his phone pinged. He picked it up to check it. “My ride is here.”

I got off the bed and then kissed him with everything I had, wrapping my arms around him. I squeezed so hard that I felt him gasp before I let him go. “You knock em dead!”

“I will,” he replied, and then he returned my kiss. He then reached for his backpack, and paws intertwined, I walked him downstairs and out of our apartment. We held hands all the way to the car. If the ride share driver gave a shit, well, that was on him. Anyone doing rides at 4 AM probably saw a lot of weird shit. Two guys kissing in the dark in the freezing cold of January and then separating as one got in the car? That wasn’t weird at all.

I watched as Theo’s car drove down the street, made a left, and was gone. And then I went back to the apartment, surrounded by his scent and waited.

And now, nine months later, Theo’s still gone. He scent is completely fucking gone from the apartment. A semester became two semesters, and then they still wanted him there? Why did I think anything about getting a PhD would be easy and timely? Hell, I know mine took an extra year just because my advisor decided it should. At least he’s letting me eke out another year on my postdoc, but that hadn’t been easy.

Climbing those stairs to my fourth-floor apartment, no, our fourth-floor apartment, for the hundredth plus something time alone was getting old. I’d lost weight, and it wasn’t because I was getting more exercise. I just wasn’t eating much, and it wasn’t just the summer heat that was taking a toll on my pelt.

There was a small slip on my door letting me know the office had a package for me. I’d have to get it tomorrow, since they were already closed. Maybe it was another care package from my mother. She’d started sending them like I was a freshman again, although I really wish she’d stop sending me that jerky. I loved it, but I had two bags I hadn’t touched still sitting in the pantry.

I was unlocking the front door, when my neighbor poked her head out. “Fel?”

My ears flick toward her as I heard my nickname and then I turned toward the doe. “Hey Shelia.”

“Hey, so Theo called. He told me to get your package for you,” she says, holding up a small cardboard cube.

“He did?”

“Yeah,” she says, handing it to me. “He said you’d want it now.”

I look at it with suspicion as I accept the box. The return label has my address on it, but I can tell it was shipped from out of town. “Thanks,” I say tucking the box under an arm.

“Yeah, no problem. Hey, if you want to do dinner sometime this weekend, let me know okay?” she offers.

“Okay,” I say, realizing she’d probably talked to Theo about more than the package. They always did like chatting when he was here.

“Anyway, you look beat, and it’s already getting late, so get some rest. Hopefully I’ll hear from you tomorrow.”

I nod. “Thanks, let me see how I feel,” I respond, knowing I just don’t have the interest or energy. She’s nice, but she’s not Theo. Anyway, I have reading to catch up.

She doesn’t say anything but lets me walk into the apartment and close the door, after I grab the slip. I put the package down on the counter, and I toss the slip into the trash. Then I put my work bag down by my computer in the spare bedroom. I glance at the other desk in the room, the one that had been vacant for nine months. I used to be able to tell when Theo was concentrating across from the room from me due to the slow wag of his tail with the way it stuck out and brushed against the back of his chair, but I hadn’t heard that sound in so long. The feeling of him there with me always made the long hours of working worth it.

The ringing of my phone disturbs me, and I pull it from my pocket. It’s Theo.

“Hey,” I say. “I got your package.”

“I know, Shelia told me.”

My ears splay at that. “Do you have her spying on me now?”

There is a soft laugh. “I wanted to make sure you got the package, before the three-day weekend. The office will be closed till Tuesday.”

“Oh, you’re right.” I hadn’t thought about that, but Labor Day was Monday. Hell, it barely registers to me that today is Friday. “Time flies when you’re busy.”

He gives a soft woof. “Ain’t that the truth.”

At least with him on the phone, I can cherish him for a bit, before I had to crawl into the bed alone. I should eat something, but somehow dinner just didn’t seem appetizing right now. “How are things going?” I ask, wandering into the living room.

There is a sigh on the other end of the line. “They want me to stay for another three months.”

I freeze. “Three more months?”

“Yeah. I let them talk to me into the summer, and then the first month of the fall semester, but now they want me stay all the way till December? I love the lab, but I can’t do it.”

I can feel my chest tightening. “Honey, what are you going to do?”

Theo was silent for a moment. “I’m thinking of cashing out with a masters degree and calling it over.”

“Theo…you’re six years in,” I say. Even in my most depressed moments, the reality of getting a PhD still sets in. These things always take longer to earn than they tell you it will.

“Yeah, I am. It’s supposed to be a five-year program, but at this rate it’s looking like it’s at least another two years.”

I somehow manage to find myself on the couch. “Theo…” God I don’t want to do this “you…”

“Need to stay?”

I give a soft woof in response.

He takes a deep breath. “For what, Fel, so my advisor can jerk me around?”

“You need your degree.”

He sighs. “Fel, how long as it been since you’ve seen me?”

“Seven months.”

“And that was for barely more than a weekend. Four fucking days when you came to visit!” he growled into the phone.

“Theo…”

“Felix…it’s 9 PM and you’re just getting home. You can’t tell me this is easy for you.”

My tail curls defensively, even though he can’t see it. “I was working.”

“Were you?” he asks.

Damn, I hate that he can still read me so well. “I was trying to. I didn’t get much done.”

Theo sighs again. “Fel, this isn’t working. Not us I mean, This arrangement.”

I pick at the tip of my tail with a claw. “The life of an academic. You go where the work is, and hopefully that’s some place you like.”

“Look, I’m going to finish the month out, and come home as planned. If that doesn’t work for them and my advisor gives me shit, I’ll see if someone else in the department will take me. If no one will, I’m going to bounce.”

“Theo, I can hold on a little longer,” I offer. “It’s rough, but I can do this.”

“You shouldn’t have to. Anyway, did you open the package?”

“Uh, no.”

“Go open the package and tell me after that that you can wait three more months for me to come home.”

I frown and get up to get the box. “I don’t understand.”

“You will in a second,” he says, as I pick up the box and attempt to slip a claw under the tape to tug at it.

The sound of me struggling with the box must tip him off to what I’m doing. “You can use scissors, you know!” he says, obviously realizing what I’m doing.

“Whatever. I need to trim my claws, so they’re a little sharper than normal,” I respond, getting one under the tape and using it to slice the tape open. I flip open the cube and am greeted with a zip lock bag full of black fur. “Is this your shed fur?”

“Yeah.”

I pull out the bag and drop the box. I look at the full ziplock bag. “Why did you—”

I pop it open, and the scent hits me. His scent, warm and comforting. His scent enveloping me as we lay on the bed together. His scent as he works on his school work. The thing missing from my life. Everything I’ve dreamed of for months and cried about how it’s no longer in my life. It’s all right here in this box.

“Felix?”

My mind is racing.  “I…forgot how strong it was.”

Theo gives a soft whine. “Scent memory is a powerful thing. We forget sometimes about it, but the last time I gave myself a good brushing, I was thinking about how you used to help me do that, and for how long I’ve missed you. I made up my mind then, and I decided to collect a good chunk of my shed fur and put it into the bag for you.”

I sit down on the couch, processing all the memories the scent brings to me.  Us kissing. Us holding hands. Dinner, movies, lovemaking, everything we did together. “It’s weird how the mind works,” I finally say, as it all spills out in my memories.

He sighs. “I miss you so much. I can barely remember what you smell like. Now do you see why I need to come home?”

Normally we’re always trying to get shed fur off the furniture or our clothes to at least look presentable, but here I am, a bag of his shed fur in my paws, and I realize how it’s not just his scent that’s missing from this apartment, but his black fur on my sheets or my shorts. I can’t remember the last time the lint roller pulled up anything but gray and yellow fur..

“Yeah, yeah I do, but I can’t let you just throw in the towel after you worked so hard. I can send you some of my own fur, after I brush tomorrow.”

I hear his voice hitch. “I’d like that, but no. That would only encourage me to stick it out.”

“Yes, but your research, and the project!”

“I’ve got a month. And I’m going to give it my all, but I can only do what I can do.”

My tail thumps, trying to betray my excitement that he is coming home soon, but I push the rational part of my mind forward. “Theo, I can make it to December.”

“Fel, I’m…not sure I can.”

I feel those words in my soul. The isolation just hasn’t been mine alone. I remember where he was staying. He has his own room, his own bathroom, but beyond that, the space was fairly basic. We’d tried to sleep together on the twin bed in the room, but he ended up sleeping on the floor. There just wasn’t space for both of us. I’ve had the luxury of at least still being in our home together. He’s had to navigate a new city on his own without anyone to share the experiences with.

“I understand,” I say. “I just hope your advisor understands.”

He snorts into the phone. “If not, they can talk to the dean about how they lost another grad student. Anyway, let’s see how the month goes before I get into the doom and gloom mode.”

“Yeah…” I sniff at the bag of fur again. “I miss you a lot, Theo.”

“Soon, my wolf, I will be back in your arms, and you won’t have to dump fur on the couch.”

My ears go up. “What do you think I’m going to do with this, roll in it?” I ask, and this time, my tone feels lighter, almost as if a weight has been lifted from me.

He laughs, and suddenly I’m reminded of the handsome wolf I met back in undergraduate who was only starting to take this college thing seriously. “That’s what I’d do.”