Project Life: Mission 21 (Teaser)
Added 2024-08-12 22:41:59 +0000 UTCSurprise everyone! My first original story in n
Comments
I loved it! I would love to learn more about them being government babies and see if there is disconnect when it comes to the regular people. But I am excited for the story. I personally understand that everything is not accurate cause it is fiction so keep up the good work. It’s just a draft so fine details can be examined afterwards. You should def upload more of this!
Anyela Heredia
2024-08-16 14:01:47 +0000 UTCSend us through the wormhole!
jp9901
2024-08-13 21:03:39 +0000 UTCI'm not decided yet, though I do have some comments. The last sentence of the opening section makes it sound like the story will be in first person. And I'd like to see more of an exploration of how society changed by living in bunkers for 150 years, and how the character's personalities and experiences are affected by living their entire life under a totalitarian regime, and by literally seeing the limits of their world. How does it affect their curiosity, their initiative, their attitude towards authority, etc.
Foo Bar
2024-08-13 07:46:55 +0000 UTCAlso, Fallout meets Interstellar, sign me up. I really enjoyed the description of the areas of the bunker they are in, very vivid and expansive, I hope you go into detail about their creation and the building process. Also, I hope you plan on exploring a few more of them, if there are any that is. I can't wait to see where this story goes.
Jack Hyde
2024-08-13 07:00:59 +0000 UTCI'm not usually one to post comments, but this one deserves it. This is a great rough draft of a first chapter. The pacing is good, a little slow in places, like the arrest scene. I'd have liked to see it slightly abridged you didn't need 8 people arresting one kid, unless the other officers will show up in the story later then that makes sense. Also, police badges have a number system based on rank and division usually, it's different state to state, to identify them so think on that for Day's badge.
Jack Hyde
2024-08-13 06:54:07 +0000 UTCI can alresdy tell that this is the type of story that desrves to be fully written in a real book. I am happy to continue Patreon support - but you should publish these. As long as you don't stop the current stuff I'll be happy
Ryan
2024-08-13 03:01:44 +0000 UTCYeah, I'm probably going to need to find someone in the military to help correct that sort of thing.
Professor Quill
2024-08-13 00:25:16 +0000 UTCI said governments collapsed, not the American government specifically.
Professor Quill
2024-08-13 00:24:22 +0000 UTCInteresting premise so far. Personally, I'm probably in the same boat as Captain Hair, not likely to read in-progress and would rather consume the completed product all at once, but I would be interested once it is finished. One minor note, my understanding is that in the situation described (meeting the President for a briefing in the White House), the soldiers would come to attention when he entered, but not salute. Any current or former military please correct me, but as far as I know, saluting indoors only occurs under specific circumstances.
twilightwanderer
2024-08-13 00:12:36 +0000 UTCI enjoyed it but in the beginning when you are building the world you say the government fell then talk about the American government still operating
matt tombaugh
2024-08-13 00:03:34 +0000 UTCIt's not bad, but I don't get how any of them think they're going to be coming back. It's pretty obvious a 90 second window in space is nowhere near enough time to get home unless they have pinpoint accuracy on the wormholes and the ships were already in flight. So unless they can put the wormhole right on top of them, the only purpose of opening one there again in 8 years would be to learn anything new about the planet before waiting 8 more years to try somewhere else. Which sounds like what they were saying when they talked about the last team in the area. It's basically a glorified suicide mission with far too small of a crew for building a proper colony if left out there. Not something you'd sign up for unless you've nothing to live for, are hopelessly optimistic or nationalistic and willing to do anything for your country.
Kasikan
2024-08-12 23:56:47 +0000 UTCInteresting premise, but it strikes me as a story I'd be unable to read in progress. I'd need to one and done it.
Captain Hair
2024-08-12 23:56:05 +0000 UTCI chose don’t care but that’s not totally accurate. The subject is not my preference but I truly enjoy all of your work. If I could have chosen maybe, I would have.
Hacura
2024-08-12 23:19:47 +0000 UTCI liked it. Anything space related is my jam so you have my vote!
J T
2024-08-12 22:49:08 +0000 UTC
