Relaxation Interrupted (Hi Res + Extra Thoughts)

This is the hi res (~3600 px)! Thank you for your support. <3

A character detailing for -Crucible- of FA. He specifically has the entire hot spring to himself for the next six hours--uninvited guests should leave. (Unless they brought cinnamon rolls.)

Always lovely to get to work with Crucible again. c: One of my favorite dragons to draw. And when he told me he wanted to be drawn anthro... Given Crucible had never expressed interest in looking like that before, I jumped on the opportunity. How could I not? And I'm really, really happy with the result. There's just one problem. I, uh... Keep drawing my friends' characters really attractive. Uh oh.

Enjoy, guys. And thank you to Crucible, as always, for letting me work with your fantastic guy. :)

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Whoof. Finally sort of finding my stride a bit again. Slow going every time to pick myself up, but we're getting there. It's funny how simply finding a word to help describe something you've been trying to figure out can make a world of difference.

For the longest time, as you've probably seen in other monologues on previous paintings, I've been struggling a lot with my place in sexuality and in mature content all related to my art. That is to say, my stuff has been told, multiple times, that it has a bit of a charge or tension to it, so to speak. Even if it's unintended, it's kind of always there. I've even been told its prevalent enough through my work that it's hard to see any of my portfolio as "general audience". Which, for the longest time, bugged me because I'm not interested in that stuff in real life. I kept thinking I'm "not a real gay" or "I'm a fraud or a phony" because of it.

Turns out, there's a word for it. Aegosexual. That is, interested in mature themes and the idea of sexuality, but having no desire for it in real life. It's part of the asexual spectrum, apparently. And... Since learning about it, I've actually been feeling good. Like, really good. Like this piece, for a while I hated it because I was at odds between "oops made my friend's character attractive haha" versus "This has to be clean, general audience, what is wrong with you". That tension, that charge keeps getting spotlighted in my mind when I work. But since I learned that word, learned its a thing... It's almost like something clicked. That I'm okay with it, because it's simply a part of my work, and that doesn't mean I, as a person, am any less valid.

Which is, uh, a huge weight off the shoulders, to say the least. Anyone who says representation or validation isn't a thing can definitely bugger off, because I cannot imagine the feeling for something even more important than a white dude's worries over sexuality, aha. It must feel so liberating...!

I've got a lot to think on regarding my work, now that I have this word in my vocabulary. But for now, I hope you guys enjoy. I know I did, in the end, and I hope it shows. :)