WIP story concept - Going bananas

Synopsis (WIP):

Only pure and innocent girls can become the guardians of the world. That’s what the mysterious power-artifact-granting voice said.

And yet, one of them is a snarky internet troll, the other is an unrepentant glutton, and the third one… is me.

There must have been some kind of mistake! I’m not even a girl!

Chapter 1 - Triple-layer birthday cake:

“I welcome you, young ones. The three of you have been chosen to be the next guardians of the world,” said the booming voice coming from seemingly all directions.

I looked around in confusion, trying to spot the speaker, and noticed two other people present with me in this odd featureless space.

There was a slim tall girl with flowing ginger hair and a shorter girl with her black hair in a bob cut. Both of them seemed to have spotted each other and me just as I did.

“The hell? Who are you?” asked the shorter girl whilst frowning at me.

I tensed up but luckily was saved by the mysterious voice again.

“My name is Sol. I am the guardian overseer and my task is to provide guidance for the guardians.”

Once again, I tried locating the voice, but to no avail. The girl seemed to have realized I hadn’t been the one to speak, and instead stared upwards at the light coming from seemingly nowhere to address our mysterious kidnapper.

“Guardians? What do you mean guardians? Are we gonna be saving the world or something?” She crossed her arms.

“Indeed, that is correct,” the voice replied. “You are, of course, free to decline. As much as I feel you are the best candidates, I am not going to force you.”

“Oh really?” The girl snarked. “So you just kidnap us in our sleep, put us in an asylum room with no windows or doors, shine light on us, and then you don’t even speak to us face-to-face, and we’re supposed to believe this whole saving the world --” she made quotation marks with her fingers as she said that “-- is voluntary?”

“T-that’s a misunderstanding. I haven’t kidnapped you. I merely put you all in a shared dream.” He cleared his imaginary throat. “As a proof, you can see that despite not wearing any clothes, you can’t tell when you look at each other.”

“What?!” the redhead shrieked before whipping her head at the other girl and then me. “Oh, this is so trippy! It’s like we’re wearing something but I can’t tell what!”

“Cool magic trick,” the snark machine masked as a girl said. “So what happens if we refuse? Are we gonna get mind wiped to stop the secrets from spreading?”

“Yes. If you refuse, you will forget all memories of this shared dream like countless other dreams you have forgotten in the past.”

“So, you’re gonna screw with our minds.”

“T-that’s not,” the voice tried to deflect.

“And then you’re gonna accidentally delete more than just these memories; because whoopty doo, shouldn’t have refused, their fault; and turn us into zombies.” The cynicism was starting to break my cynicism scales.

“I swear on my name of Sol, the guardian overseer, I would never do something like that to the pure and innocent girls chosen to be the guardians! Even if they declined the responsibility!”

“Yeah, sure… Wait, girls?” the dagger-tongued girl looked at me again.

I froze under her stare, until my mind caught up to what the voice had said. Had he just called me a girl? Something must have definitely gone wrong then. Even if I often acted like a wuss, liked cute things, and cried too often to be considered a proper man, I definitely wasn’t a girl.

“Well, anyway.” The cynic of all cynics finally turned her gaze from me back to the light. “I don’t trust a word you say, Mr. guardian overshit.”

I was about to fade into the background as a side character again until I noticed the other girl staring at me with a neutral expression. I jumped a little as our eyes met and I immediately glued mine to the floor on reflex.

“A-a-anyway,” the overseer said with a shuddering sigh, drawing my attention back to the light. “It’s really up to you. If you don’t want to do it, I’ll let you go right now. I’ll even keep your memories intact if you promise not to speak of this to anyone.”

“I mean, you still haven’t told us what exactly we’ll be doing. Fighting off aliens? Zombies? Big greedy corporations?”

“Uh, right.” He cleared his throat again, and did his best to gain back his dignified voice. “As the guardians, your task will be to protect people from the evil creatures known as Kaels.”

“Oh boy, fighting vegetables.”

Sol ignored her interruption this time.

“These creatures come from a world parallel to yours and can temporarily create a rift between the worlds by drawing energy known as Malice.”

“Interdimensional vegetables.” The girl smirked.

He let out a sigh, but continued regardless.

“To aid you on your quest, should you accept it, each one of you will be granted a powerful artifact. This artifact will resonate with your soul which will allow you to transform into your guardian forms.”

“Oooh! Magical girls!” The redhead squealed with a beaming smile.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but this whole resonate with our souls seems very suspicious,” the eversnark turned back to the light. “Have you graduated from screwing with our minds to messing with our souls?”

“What?! No! Just… just think of it as wearing different clothes. But for your soul.”

“Suuuure.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s exactly what a soul-stealing con artist would say.”

“Look… I… just…” And then he took a deep breath and let out a painful groan. I could imagine him slumped down, head in his hands.

We stood there in silence for a minute. I didn’t know what to find more bizarre. The fact that I was being invited to be some kind of guardian of the world, the fact that some godly figure just mistook me for a girl, or the fact that the same godly figure had been utterly slaughtered by the words of a teenage girl.

“So, anyway. Where’s my artifact?” the god-slayer finally asked.

“W-what?” the poor guy asked with a shaky voice.

“I’ll do it. Where’s my magical artifact?”

“You will? But… you just… I thought…”

“I mean, saving the world, right? How could I refuse that? At least I’ll be doing something productive for once.” She shrugged.

“A-alright then. Just so we’re clear, you can take your time deciding. I’m not forcing you or anything. You can still back out, okay?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

I could almost smell the frustration in his voice as he whispered, “... understood.” He then cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “As for the two of you, like I said, take your time deciding. I am not forcing anyone.”

“I’m in! It sounds fun!” The redhead immediately replied.

“Alright, welcome on board, then,” he said with an audible smile.

The attention then turned to me. It made me freeze once again.

“Again, no need to rush. This is an important decision, after all.”

That sure had calmed me down.

“I… Umm… you said something about pure and innocent girls…?” I meekly asked.

“Indeed. Only the most pure and innocent of girls can become the guardians,” he replied, as if he hadn’t just said something nonsensical.

“Then… This must be a mistake, right? I’m not a girl, after all.”

“That is not so. Your mind and soul are clearly that of a girl Your body isn’t, but that can be fixed.”

I stared at the empty space representing the overseer. My mind and soul were that of a girl? The hell did that even mean?! None of this made any sense!

“Ah, the holy trinity is complete,” the god-slaying snark queen interrupted. “First mind, then soul, and now finally, you are planning on fucking with our bodies too!”

“That’s not what I meant…” Sol groaned, clearly out of energy to deal with this. “The guardian form you take on is what you would consider your ideal self. The artifact simply helps you achieve this.”

“Oh! Does that mean I can eat cakes all day and get fat, and then transform and I’ll look great again?” the redhead interrupted.

“That, uh, is a possibility, for sure.”

“Yay! I want my artifact! And then cakes!”

I could only imagine Sol rubbing the bridge of his nose while doing his damndest not to either break down crying or screaming at us. I was pretty sure neither one of us qualified as ‘pure and innocent girls’.

“Alright, you two. I’ll grant you your artifacts while she decides.”

It took me a second to realize the ‘she’ he had said referred to me. When I did, I froze up once more. It felt weird. Like it was both wrong and right. I was confused. Had he already started messing with my brain?

“Oh, yeah! We haven’t even introduced ourselves! Hello!” The redhead waved at us. “My name is Cassie! Nice to meet you!”

“S’up. I’m Veronica,” the other girl replied and they shook hands.

The attention landed on me once again.

“I… Uh, I’m Brian.” I scratched my head and pointed my eyes away from them.

“Alright. Britney. Nice to meet you!” the shorter girl said with a smirk.

“Likewi-- Uh, wait what?!” I took a step back as my eyes widened.

“You heard the big, invisible, and omnipresent. You’re a girl! And Brian is an awful name for a girl. So, you’re Britney now!” Her grin grew even larger as her explanation approached complete non-sequitur territory.

“That’s… that’s not…” how it works.

“Hey, it’s fine! I’m not one to judge. I know how these things tend to go. So take all the time you want!”

Take time for what? How these things go? What things? What was she talking about? Why was Cassie eyeing me like a rare species? And why did I kinda like the name Britney?!

“Alright, artifact time old man!”

“Step forward, Veronica,” Sol said, sounding dignified once again.

For the first time since we found ourselves in this shared dream, Veronica didn’t diss him and stepped forward as he had asked. A shimmering ball of… something descended in front of her. Or rather, it was a cube, not a ball. Or… was it a prism? A cone? Somehow it was all the shapes and none at the same time. Similarly, it seemed to be colorless, and yet shine in all possible colors at once. It was mesmerising.

The girl touched it and it exploded in purple light, making me and Cassie cover our eyes. Once the flash subsided, there stood a different person. Purple hair with ball-shaped curls at the ends. Dressed in a purple suit with a black tie. Purple freckles decorated her face.

Also, she was holding a handgun.

“So, my artifact is a gun? Sure, why not? Not a typical choice of a weapon for a hero, but I’ll take it.”

“Oh! You look so cool! My turn! My turn!”

“Step forward, Cassie.”

Cassie skipped forward with glee. Just as before, the shapeless object of all shapes materialized in front of her and she touched it. One blinding glow later -- this time hot red -- and a person very different from Cassie emerged. A flowing cape shaped like fire and a tight-fitting orange suit with yellow rims along the sleeves, waist, and shoes. Her hair resembled fire as well, it even sparked like one. Her weapon of choice was a mace, its spikes replaced with solid-looking flames somehow.

“Whoa! I love it!” The fire girl spun around, nearly hitting Veronica with her mace. Fortunately, she was quick enough and jumped back to avoid it.

“Hey! Watch it!”

“Oh! Sorry!” Cassie held the mace close to her chest making the flames stab into her. She didn’t seem to notice.

“Hmm…” Veronica sized her up. “Dang, you look really cool too. Or maybe I should say hot.”

Cassie laughed. “You don’t look too bad yourself, Agent Blackberry.”

“The hell? Agent Blackberry?”

“Yeah! Agent because of the suit and a gun. And your head totally looks like a giant blackberry now!”

“Hey, watch it!”

Veronica touched her hair and thought for a second. She then grabbed her gun in both hands and posed with it like spies in the movies. “Alright then, Agent Blackberry, ready for her secret mission!” She grinned.

“Oh! I want a cool nickname too actually! Hmm, how about Chilli Pepper?”

“Heh, hot and spicy, eh?”

“Exactly!”

They both laughed.

The way they kept teasing and joking together made me envious. I wanted to join them. Sol had said the artifact would turn us into your ideal form. Would my ideal form be that of a girl…? That’s what he had hinted at. The thought of turning into a girl was both scary and exciting. But I couldn’t help myself. Maybe I was just a sheep going with the crowd, but I didn’t want to be the only one to decline after the entire scene Veronica had caused.

“I... I’m in too!” I said, shrinking down as the two turned to me.

Veronica smirked while Cassie smiled.

“Alright then... step forward... Britney.”

I stopped for a second. Why the heck had he called me Britney?! Were they all making fun of me?! Ugh, I couldn’t really complain though, since the name Britney was kinda nice…

Never mind that. I stepped forward as he’d said and the same strange object appeared in front of me. Unlike with the other two though, this one coalesced into a defined shape for me. A shining yellow curved sword. I think it was called a cutlass or a scimitar.

I reached my hand out and grabbed the handle and the world lit up. I felt something warm permeate my entire body, changing me, improving me. It wasn’t uncomfortable, quite the opposite. It was as if I covered every part of myself in a soft blanket. I had no idea how long that feeling lasted, but once it subsided and I opened my eyes, I was met with the two girls gaping at me.

“Holy...” Cassie started.

“Shit,” Veronica finished.

I looked down. Two mounds greeted me back. All covered by the beautiful golden dress with white ornaments. As I stared down in disbelief, a strand of wavy golden hair fell into my line of sight. I brushed it aside and found out that it was my hair.

“Uh.” That was all my throat could produce. It was in a much higher pitch than I was used to. I was completely stunned. This was my ideal form? Well, sure, all boys secretly wanted to be girls, but I didn’t expect just how amazing... uh, strange, it would feel to really be one.

“Alright... and you can be theeee... Banana Warrior!” Cassie proclaimed.

“What?” said an unknown feminine voice, which, for some reason, came from my mouth.

“Cuz that thing totally looks like a banana!” She pointed at my right hand.

I looked at it and realized I had been holding onto the sword I picked up before I transformed. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in it, stopped, and brought it closer to look at my new face. The blocky face of a guy was nowhere to be seen. Instead, the smooth face of a cute girl looked back at me. The tiny nose and the innocent eyes completed the look. Although, for some reason, said eyes were tearing up.

“What...” I heard a feminine voice whisper. It came from my mouth too.

“You are really dang cute, you know?”

I whipped my head around to see Veronica grinning at me. I had no idea what to say back. Surely, she wasn’t referring to me, right? I couldn’t be a cute girl. No, that didn’t make sense. I was an ugly guy, this was just a fake mask.

“Thank you all for accepting your duty. I will return you all to your regular dreams now.”

The world lit up once again before anyone could raise a complaint.